How does it feel to have a crush?
I’m 16F and in school, I associate what I experience with dissociation but could be something else. I do feel happiness and anxiety but when i cry I don’t feel sad even when I should or in general I don’t really feel anger or sadness. I’ve had times where for me time basically skips, and for what I know based on a recording of me I just end up freezing or getting to a safer position if it occurred when I do martial arts. I don’t normally notice it happening unless there is a clear difference before and after the moment. Thats what I’ve attributed to dissociations, sorry if I’m wrong.
I’ve had a crush? Vaguely. After the summer I think this coping method relaxed and I felt something, basically too much? My body essentially went in and out of comprehending time over and over again. I’m not sure if I liked that guy but he definitely caused something. Perhaps because I was feeding into it because it was something I’ve never experienced, my sense of wanting to be around him also increased so I assumed I liked him. And I did flush around him but overtime it stopped perhaps correlated with the increased school stress. I don’t think I like him anymore?
Anyway. I’m extremely stressed out now, I’ve never really felt as numb? Like I can be happy its just something I’m also able to switch out of whenever. Going back to the main point I think I like this different guy? I like being around him, and I’m certainly closer to him than the previous crush, anyway as a slightly delusional person I like to imagine random scenarios with people and people includes him and scenarios being like future stuff.
I’ve also always said I was aroace because I’ve always attributed liking people with getting butterflies.
I do want to know if it is possible I like this guy, if you do want to know more I’m willing to say if it helps deducing things.
Also sorry if this isn’t proper Reddit stuff I don’t often come on here besides occasional lurking.