When the relationship begin, I was feeling very good she had 3 kids before that and I moved out with them and I was happy because, I loved her and I loved her kids a lot there father wasnt really present for them so I was readuly to be there for them as a dad even if it was really stressfull to learn how to live with 3 kids when not long ago I was alone. But I wanted to learn and be there for the family
Few months later she got pregnant and when she gave birth everything changed. I got my time off but things were really difficult with the kids and I begin to be more on my cellphone and wanted to play video games everytime
I was too stress to do activitys, too stress to have visits, too stress to do the family stuff in general I was build with anxiety at that point. I thought that I needed mor time to rest an play video games and it continued for nearly 3 years and she told me during that time that I was to much on my cell phone and too stress because I wanted to play video games, but me I was convincing my self that was because the life with the kids are too much and I needed to rest, and even if this was indeed reely hard, this wasnt the main reason and I realised it too late. I tool a lot of weight too and I got big trus issue because of it. I tryed to get back in the gym and it work at fo like 2 month but I still had my addictions and in the end I wasnt going to gym anymore to have more time of gaming
I didnt feel happy or good emotion with the kids i was I robot, Ive hurt the women Ive loved the most in my life and I hurt the kids at a point that me and her broke up and I moved out and not long after I realise that it was a mistake, I wanted to come back because I loved her so much and i love the kids but it was too late she moved on from another guy and I cryed my life but didnt exactly realise what was my problem
A little more than a month I was gaming and I was wondering. Do I enjoy doing that every time, (no) does it do anything positive in my life? ( no)
And I begin to stop gaming and I felt like a new person I realised 100% that in that time I was in a dopamine overdose that was link with my cellphone and wants to play video game and by realing it I felt so ashamed of my self and I am still right now ashame of my self. She was everything that I could have hope for a women and I loved the kids but I had to screw everything because of a addiction. I would give everything to go back in the past and make those realusation sooner. Im sure that I would have been everything that I should have been for her and the kids to have an happy family life all together but now its too late I have to leave with that feeling of failure. The better thing I can do right now is to continue not to be in those kind of addiction again and I hope that I will never go in that phase ever again. I hope one day, I can live without crying about those mistakes
For those that are reading this and maybe are in the same position as I or leave with those addiction. Be carefull those addiction can ruin things you didnt realise you didnt want to lose maybe you think that you are ok with that. I really thought I was ok but I was so wrong
Thank for those who took the time to reed