I 33 F don’t think I want to be in a relationship with my 31 M anymore after what I found, and I’m more looking for advice on how to move forward than asking who’s right or wrong.
I’ve always been very clear about my boundaries in relationships and what I will and will not accept. Loyalty, honesty, and respect are huge for me. I don’t want to feel like I have to investigate someone to feel secure.
Tonight I found screenshots/photos on my boyfriend’s phone from April 24th that honestly changed the way I see him. First I found a picture of himself that he was clearly sending to another girl. Then shortly after that there was a dick pic he took which especially hurt because he never even sends me things like that. Then the next picture was condoms he bought, and after that there was a screenshot of his maps/navigation going somewhere.
That sequence alone was enough for me. I don’t need people to debate technicalities with me about whether he physically cheated or not. For me, the trust is gone. I can’t force myself to see him the same way after this. Especially with repeated occasions where he betrayed my trust.
What hurts too is that I’ve communicated my boundaries before. I’ve explained what kind of behavior destroys trust for me, and I’ve been very open about wanting a loyal relationship. I don’t want sneaky behavior, half-truths, or feeling like I have to compete with other women for basic respect. He agrees every times he will change and he doesn’t. I realized he’s never going to change and I’m asking the wrong person to give me the kind of love I want. I can’t change him that’s not my job.
The weird part is I’m not even hysterical or devastated. I feel emotionally detached more than anything. I care about him as a person, and honestly I probably could keep him around as a friend because I don’t hate him, but he’s told me that would hurt him too much. We also live together and he’s very shady. If he betrayed me like this how else would he betray me? I have asked him in the past to block a girl who made me feel uncomfortable and he refused till I told him I couldn’t be with him. He blocked her and then unblocked her. He has plenty of apps on his phone I can’t access because it needs a Face ID to get in.
At this point I just don’t trust this man anymore, and I know I want a loyal partner long term. I guess I’m asking how people realistically move forward once they mentally stop seeing someone as their life partner and how do I deal with this if I live with him? I think about staying friends since we live together but not sure that’s a good idea. I don’t even think I’ll confront him about this since all he does is lie, deny, get defensive, and gaslight me.