u/Duryodhannan

I believe these people have strong chances. Obviously some will be disappointed. Suggest the names I may have missed and what all portfolios each can expect.

THIRUVANANTHAPURAM

1. K Muralidharan

2. C.P. John

3. M Vincent

KOLLAM

1. PC Vishnunath

2. Shibu Baby John

3. Bindu Krishna

PATHANAMTHITTA

1. Abin Varkey

ALAPPUZHA

1. M Liju

2. Shanimol Usman

KOTTAYAM

1. Thiruvanchoor Radhakrishnan

2. Mons Joseph

3. Chandy Oommen

4. Mani C Kappan

IDUKKI

1. Apu John Joseph

ERNAKULAM

1. Roji M John

2. Anwar Sadath

3. Anoop Jacob

THRISSUR

1. Thomas Unniyadan

2. Rajan Pallan

PALAKKAD

1. N Samsudheen

2. VT Balram

MALAPPURAM

1. PK Kunjalikutty

2. KM Shaji

3. Manjalamkuzhi Ali

4. Aryadan Shoukath

5. PK Basheer

KOZHIKKODE

1. PK Firos

2. K Praveen Kumar

3. KK Rema

WAYANAD

1. T Sidhique

2. IC Balakrishnan

KANNUR

1. Sunny Joseph

KASARGOD

1. AKM Ashraf

On dating apps, matrimony sites, instagram, even reddit you constantly see men aggressively “shooting their shot,” DMing, swiping, approaching, commenting, etc. Meanwhile women seem way more passive or selective in comparison.

But statistically there are roughly similar numbers of men and women who want relationships, love, marriage, intimacy, etc. So where does this imbalance come from? Like 100 men are chasing 10 women?

Is it because men are socially expected to initiate?

Basically, why does modern dating feel like large numbers of men are chasing and relatively few women are actively seeking even though both groups presumably want partners?

Pennu kittunnilla pennu kittunnilla ennum paranju orupadu aanungal mongunnathu kaanam evide nokkiyalum. But opposite true alla. We rarely see any women saying aanu kittunnilla. Avarkk venda type aanungale kittunnilla ennu kekkam. That's topic for another day.

I keep telling myself I don’t need anyone. That I’m better off alone. But then I see people around me. Happy with their partners, sharing life, existing together and something in me twists. It’s not even that I want what they have. It’s more like… why can’t I even want that?

Sometimes I feel like it would be enough to just have someone to share the day with. Small, meaningless things. Just… not be alone in my own head all the time. But whenever I’ve had people like that, I’ve pushed them away and gone right back to isolation like it’s my default setting.

I think I’ve built an identity around being unwanted. There’s something oddly comforting about it. Like I’m different, detached from all this need for connection that everyone else seems to have. I act like I don’t care about relationships, intimacy, companionship… but inside, I still crave it. And I hate that contradiction.

What’s worse is I think I’ve started enjoying the suffering. The unfairness of it. Watching others have something I’ll probably never let myself have. Sitting in that feeling and letting it rot inside me. It’s like I’m doing this to myself on purpose.

Half my life already feels gone. The rest just looks like more of the same. Slowly fading into nothing, no one really knowing me, no one there at the end. Sometimes it feels like I’m just waiting to disappear, like that’s the only direction this is going.

So this girl. Ente neighbour aayrnnu. I know her brother since childhood but 2 years back we connected on instagram and started talking. She was like 5 years younger than me. We became close too fast and she was like so extroverted idichu keri samsarikkal type. We had this flirty phase where we talked about everything, late night texting, calling and all that. You know, the "will they, won't they" phase. But gradually connection enganokeyo poyi. She moved to Kochi for her job.

And karyathilekk varaam. In one of our late night talks, we had this argument for and against casual dating. I have never been in a casual relationship mostly coz I didn't have any opportunity. But cheyyunnavar cheyyatte Njan judge cheyyila ennarnnu ente stand. She was like, she could never imagine anything like that. Njan enik chance kitti aal ok aanenkil cheyyum ennu paranju. Enne direct paranjilenkilum angane ullavar oke moshamaanu ennu imply cheythulla talks aayi pinne. She was like all divya premam, connection and stuff. Like most of our arguments in the end, I agreed she might be right and ath kazhinju.

Fast forward a few months, we were not in contact pandathe pole okke. She texts me every now and then, and we shared life updates. By this point, she did some annoying things to me and enik aa connection poyi.(That need a separate post). It might be the age difference, initial la la land phase kazhinjathinu shesham compatible allennu manasilayi.

So getting to the casual vs true love part. Our old true love supporter is now on a dating spree. As I said she gives life updates every now and then. As per that, she went on dates with four guys she met on hinge within a month itself. That was like a date a week. Physical undayo idk, something like kisses, hugs were implied.

Fast forward few more weeks, we again had an argument about the hot topic. Casual dates- Good or bad? I was expecting a change in perspective from her side, but she was still like saying casuals won't work for her and importance of connection and all.

I was bruh.. you were talking to four guys or perhaps more few months back and I know it's not officially relationships. But how do one person even talk to four people and be emotionally available. Pakshe i didn't confront her coz enik ipo avalodu samsarikan thanne interest illa.

Idk what in her mind constitutes casual dating. Maybe she is only considering it casual when sex is involved. But what about the connection part?

I think I might be addicted to my own loneliness. Not in a poetic or mysterious way, more like a cheap habit I keep feeding even though I know exactly how it ends. I want to connect with people so badly that it almost feels physical sometimes. And yet, the moment someone gets close, I start picking them apart in my head. Too this, too that, not enough of whatever fantasy version I have built. It feels like I am standing outside my own life, watching myself shut doors I was just begging to be opened.

There are days I genuinely feel like no one deserves me, like I am somehow above the mediocrity of normal relationships, like I have seen through the whole system. And then there are days I feel like I deserve absolutely no one, like even the bare minimum of affection is too much to ask for someone like me. I move between arrogance and self disgust so fast that even I cannot keep up. Meanwhile, everyone around me is pairing up, getting married, building lives. I scroll past their photos like they personally offended me just by being happy.

And yeah, I have met people. Good people, actually. Girls who were kind, patient, and real in ways that should have mattered. One of them used to check in on me every single day, even when I gave her nothing back. Another one laughed at my dumbest jokes like they meant something. There was someone who was actually willing to understand my mess instead of trying to fix it. And what did I do. I dismissed all of them because they did not fit this hyper specific, unrealistic ideal I have built in my head. Not attractive enough, not exciting enough, not it. As if I am some prize worth optimizing for.

At the same time, I keep chasing this idea of extremely attractive people, the kind that exist more on screens than in real life. And then I resent them too. I tell myself they are shallow, attention obsessed, ruined by validation and social media. It is easier to reduce them to stereotypes than to admit I am intimidated, or that I would not know what to do even if I got what I think I want. So I reject them preemptively, just like I reject everyone else. No risk, no rejection, just this safe, controlled kind of emptiness.

The worst part is I am aware of all of this. I know this is not some revolutionary stance against society. It is not deep, it is not unique, it is just me sabotaging every chance at being loved while pretending it is a choice. I hate being miserable, but I have built my entire personality around it so well that I do not even know who I would be without it. So I stay here, wanting something I keep refusing, convincing myself that this is somehow better than trying and failing, when in reality it is just failing in slow motion.