This is scaring me and I'm still doubting myself
This is a vent/rant/need reassurance post.
I (23F) recently found out that my sister has been obsessively trying to undermine and criticise me... My parents have been keeping most of this secret from me. I'm doubting if I have a part to play in this problem.
Context: my sister (20F) has AuHD and has been homeschooled most of her life (this does contribute). We live with our parents but I work.
I haven't had the best relationship with my sister in recent years but this year has been the absolute worst. I don't fight with her or purposely start arguements, we don't have a hateful past, but she can be the biggest bully on the planet.
She has always naturally compared herself to me since I am the eldest sister and the only other sibling. She was also homeschooled and didn't have many friends outside of the internet. This type of comparison is understandable and natural...
However, her current behaviour has now gone further than just normal comparison. Its almost as if she's finding everything she can to compare and criticise me for. She compares what I do to what she "would" do.
Currently she ignores me, won't greet me when I greet her, comments on everything I do, interrupts my conversations with others, even sends pictures to my parents of things she wants to blame me for (e.g. not changing a toilet roll). Gets hung up of things for WEEKS even if it didn't effect her (e.g. I poured my mom the wrong drink by accident and my sister still complains to this day). I can't even sit in a car with her for too long before she starts criticising me.
I HATE cooking when she's around because I can "never" do it correctly (her correctly), I cant make her coffee correctly, I make too much noise (even though I don't)...
The worst is that she has gone through my bedroom in the past and commented on my organisation and what I have in my cupboards...The list goes on.
She has become weirdly obsessed with trying to find a reason to get me in trouble or criticise me. Its scaring my parents.
They have been trying to correct her current behaviour behind the scenes but it hasn't improved much (she has never gone without discipline in her life).
She has also said to my face and to my parents that she "hates" me and "wouldn't care if I got hurt".
She doesn't do this to other people or her current friends. She doesn't do it to my dad but tries with my mom. It seems to be mainly focused on me and my mom unfortunately gets caught in the crossfire.
A lot of her criticism happens behind the scenes when I am at work or out of the house.
I'm pulling apart my brain to try figure out if I triggered some of the behaviour or I've done something explicitly wrong in her eyes. I love her so much but this is really concerning me and scaring my parents. It is frustrating to be criticised all the time and not being able to form a relationship with her...
😅