Cutting off grandparents
My husband (23m) and I (23f) have an 8 month old son. Since he was born we have had a lot of family see him and of course everyone loves to give their unsolicited advice and sometimes make back handed comments about some of our parenting decisions. Does it bother me? Yes, but I just brush it off because I solely care about my child being happy, healthy, and safe.
My parents have been the WORST at pushing back on our boundaries and questioning every decision we make about our child. For example, telling me that breastfeeding will make him starve (he’s ebf and always been chunky), that he needed rice cereal at 4 months (his ped recommended against that), and the list goes on and on.
Recently, my dad has been the worst about pushing back on my boundaries and honestly being super aggressive about it. It’s mostly centered around feeding him solids. My dad has been questioning me on why I’m not giving him “real food” since he was 5 months. He eats perfectly fine for an ebf 8 month old, but at first he wasn’t super interested in food. Recently, he has gotten more interested in exploring food and wanting to actually engage in the action of eating. So of course, this excited my parents because feeding him is so fun to them. However, I’m very cautious about what he eats because he has a sensitive tummy (always has) and I don’t ever want to risk him choking.
We went to my parents tonight to have dinner with them and I expressed to my parents that I will be feeding him because he still has limitations on things he can eat and how he can eat them. My mom completely understood, however my dad immediately started trying to give him stuff. He tried to give him corn on the cob and when I said no (because he’s never had corn) he got mad and argued with me. Then, he tried to give him peas and I said absolutely not (as they are a choking hazard when whole), he could have some mashed up. My dad started complaining saying that he could eat whole peas and passive aggressively talking to my baby saying “mom is starving you”.
My dad then proceeded to take my baby and go outside. I truly think he did this as a way to remain in control of the situation because I wasn’t outside to monitor my child. At this point tension was already high (and my dad was drinking and being aggressive) so I didn’t follow them out there. However, I was having a panic attack knowing my child is not safe with him. When I sent my husband outside my dad had my 8 month old son riding on the lawnmower. Now this is not a big deal to some people, but my baby is very active and constantly moving, I would rather him be able to understand how to safely ride before starting that. I 100% would’ve said no to this and of course my dad didn’t ask permission. I immediately went into a panic attack and my mom ran out to get my baby.
My dad proceeded to walk in the house and tell me if I was going to so weird about my baby, then I needed to leave. He told me I’m not even being a good mom, I’m just being weird, and that’s he’s given a lot to this baby (bullshit). We all left and my husband said he thinks I need to cut them off as this is an ongoing issue. I feel guilty because I’m their only child and my baby is their only grandchild. Of course, I don’t want them to not have a relationship with him or to punish them. But him not being safe with them is a big concern to me. He’s treated like an object rather than a living human child.
My dad called me later and said he didn’t mean to upset me but I needed to “let go” of my child. As if he’s 18 and not 8 months. This being said to me has made me realize I don’t think my baby needs to be around my parents. But I’m not sure what to do. I feel an insane amount of guilt even just thinking of not letting them see him. But his safety is my first priority and getting yelled at for setting a boundary surrounding my baby’s safety is a huge disrespect to me. My dad just seems like he needs to be in control.