u/Dull-Thanks-7312

I made a post here 2 weeks ago regarding a situation i was having, where i wrote a long rambled story on how I (20F) ended up meeting this Guy (39M) and got pregnant. I was looking for help on how to talk to him about it, on how to cut things off without hurting him too much. In my post i realize i had forgotten to clarify that i was not keeping the baby, to me it felt like there was never an option in the first place to keep it. My decision had already been made on that matter as i have my education and family that i need to focus on right now. I’m thankful for all the very blunt and nice responses i got, but most of them were giving advice on telling me not to keep the baby. Actual Advice regarding the relationship, i was told not to tell him about the pregnancy, but that bridge had already been crossed..

I don’t know how to break up with him. I had a tough time processing that the relationship i had with him is something i can’t ever go back to, no matter how short it was, i’d never had anything like that at all. And that’s the thing he was so nice and i’d never had anyone say such things to me before. People in my last post mentioned being loved bombed, which i know see, and now i don’t know how or when to return those gifts/his things to him. I haven’t even ended it, i know i just have to say it and be done but do i have to do it over text?? I don’t WANT to say it over text. I think im being selfish, i feel like im still leading him on while slowly ghosting him and it’s making me sick. We’ve already met up once since this all happened and it was the closest that I got to ending things. In fact he drove to me see because he thought I WAS ending things. And i mean i sorta was but i didn’t say it say it, i just said things along those lines like that I didn’t think it was possible for us to keep seeing each other. And he’d say something like he agrees but somehow the conversation would always go back to how he wants to meet my parents and how he wants to make things work and be an honest good man or something like a long those lines. Really wish i could add text photos 😭

These past two weeks i’ve been focused on my recovery after the abortion and working with the school to get extended deadlines to complete my final projects. I was so soso scared i wasn’t gonna pass. I still have more work to do before i’m done but i’m in a much better spot than i was two weeks ago. Ive been so focused on that i honestly feel resentful sometimes when i remember i have to respond to him, and still deal with ending this relationship. I’ve been talking to him less and less, i just don’t even know half the time how to respond to his messages now. He’s opened up the conversation and started talking about ending things, I wish i could add photos of the text, i know i know i know i should just do it.

I’m so flip floppy god dammit. I start crying as soon as i think about ending things with him. I really really liked him, no matter how stupid or fake it was i really liked him. I don’t know what to do.

edit i’m not keeping the baby.

I (20F) dont really know how to start this off, had someone told me a year ago i’d be pregnant and lost like this i would’ve thought they didn’t know me at all. It’s funny because just a couple days ago i was drafting posts to this sub regarding advice for my relationship with the father (39M), along the lines of whether or not age gap relationships could be healthy and find acceptance.

i’m sorry if i end up rambling or have any incomplete sentences, my mind it a little static-y right now.

To add a lot of context, i just started/am about to finish my first year of college, my first semester ended extremely poorly. the school gave me a second chance to fix my gpa this semester as long as i could get my grades high enough. I’ve never been a great student due to severe depression and anxiety that’s impacted me my entire life. This second semester i managed to keep my grades up just enough to see a possible future continuing there. The stress felt like it was starting to kill me, all i needed were straight B’s which doesn’t seem so hard but those were grades that i had never achieved before, as pathetic as it sounds. After barely graduating highschool i took two gap years to “find myself” because i knew i’d fail right away if entered college straight out of highschool. Though now it seems like i’ll always struggle with school no matter what. i have an extremely supportive family and although they haven’t always been there for me they love me so much, my parents always said they didn’t care if i failed only that i tried. i never want to fail i always wanted to do good, i just feel like im never trying hard enough.

I went to an all girls school during highschool, it was a great experience and i made life long friends there im very thankful for. Through out my adolescence ive always been quiet and a bit of a loner, i used to really struggle making friends and felt like the “weird kid.” my depression and anxiety only made this worse, i think i was disassociating i was disconnected from my feelings very apathetic? it’s hard to tell now looking back my memories of those times is foggy, it felt like being a horse with blinders on, i couldn’t see anyone’s faces. I was never interested in dating or meeting new people, ever.

During the two gap years i got a therapist and started working on myself, from daily habits to negative thoughts and being more communicative with my loved ones. and became consistent with my medication atleast in the second semester. when i entered college i also started smoking weed (which helped manage my anxiety a lot)

After starting college i found lots of new people asking about my dating history. I didn’t want people thinking im weird again so when ever asked id vaguely just say something like “just once, it ended mutually” and they’d move on before asking if i was interested in anyone here and id say i was not interested in dating 18 year olds which is true. for the record my dating history is a big fat zero. zero crushes, zeros kisses, zero hands held. this didn’t bother me until people wouldn’t stop bringing it up. My roommate started meeting up with guys for dates and that sometimes led to her needing the room for the night. (completely fine with me, i liked going for long night drives to the beach to chill) eventually though i was like enough is enough im losing my virginity i don’t care how. so i downloaded tinder and after matching with a couple people and talking more on snapchat. most the guys i was matching with were older than me id say 21-25 which i preferred. this guy asked one morning to go on a drive and i don’t know i never do spontaneous stuff but i did. I was so nervous i thought i was gonna throw up. he was very nice and i my anxiety eased away. he asked what i was looking for and i said what i had put down on the app, to have a little fun, nothing serious, he felt the same. i told him i had no experience and i hope that it didn’t scare him away. i quickly learned virginity does not “scare” guys away like i thought. enthusiastically and quickly i lost my virginity.

a week later this guy sorta bruises my ego with a small passing comment, it wasn’t even said to my face but i was so hurt for some reason i started going through my matches again. When i first got the app my presets were left super open until i quickly closed them, and before i did i happened to match with this guys ill call EM (the father). When i looked at his age i was shocked cause he had a bit of a baby face? he looks younger than other men on the app for his age i guess. his messages to me were continuous and ridiculous i hadn’t responded to any of them but they were so funny and i was feeling spontaneous and hurt that night so i messaged him along the lines of asking if hes on tinder a lot, he messaged back right away. it was 1 am and he asked to get me an uber to see him. i know how stupid i sound now, i know but i don’t know to me it just seemed like a little fun at the time, i didn’t actually care about his age that much. when i met him it was like our chemistry clicked right away.

I will say i ignored lots of red flags but id never had anyone tell me they liked me so much that they loved me. i thought it was weird he said i love you that night, i told him i wasn’t looking for anything serious and was just having a little fun we met up a couple more times because i had such a good time. when he said lovey dovey stuff at first i didn’t like it and wouldn’t say anything back, because in my head i knew i couldn’t have a relationship with him. i was just thinking realistically. i don’t remember when i forgot that part, but pretty i started caring less and less and had this impossible fantasy that we’d be happy together you know? he talked about the future a lot, he gave me his clothes to wear, remembered things about me, remembered my favourite things and so when he asked to be exclusive or asked if i’d consider it i said okay.

a month later my partners found out, i can’t lie, and i can’t lie to them. my dad asked me how old he was and i wouldn’t respond, my dad then said “as long as he isn’t 45 or 50” and i said well he isn’t 45 my dad obviously was not reassured with that answer. i wasn’t allowed to go see him on weekdays anymore and my parents started checking my location everyday. After they found out it felt like i knew in my heart that me an EM wouldn’t work out. but i hadn’t come to terms with it because i really love him i do, i really do like him. i don’t want him to end up hurt and i know how much he likes me. i feel like i should’ve ended things there, now what i feel like i led him on knowing we couldnt stay together it just slowly became more and more complicated. i wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed of him at all but i love my family and i don’t want to hurt or disappoint my parents. i feel like i let them down no matter how much they say other wise.

This past month ive been feeling sick in the mornings, when i told my mom she told me to take a pregnancy test, it came back negative. for the rest of the month it got worse. I can no longer eat, or move around too much with out getting nauseous and hot flashes. I vomit randomly through out the day and get faint. i’m nauseous 24/7, i couldn’t go to my classes without having to sit down multiple times on the way. a coulple days ago the pain was so bad i went to the ER where they told me i was pregnant. 6 weeks and it has a heart beat. i saw it.

i have 1 week of school left my grades aren’t good enough without my putting in as much work as possible and im worried that i just ruined everything. I know now that i can’t be with him but i don’t think i can actually end things myself, i don’t want to hurt him, please please please help so i don’t hurt him. i just feel like i ruined everything