One Month Post Discard
Let me (37F) just start by saying this might get long as I'm confused and recovering from cardiac surgery so a little loopy on pain pills. So likely a vent, but I'd like some advice or insight from people who have been through this.
My avoidant broke up with me a couple days before we were supposed to leave for my birthday trip to Puerto Rico and a couple weeks before cardiac surgery where he had made plans to help me during recovery. He said "he doesn't have the bandwidth for a relationship." He "doesn't have the energy to be soft with me." He said was "cold, distant" and i "deserve better." All of this was news to me. He was very loving towards me and my parents. He was very soft with me and I felt emotionally safe. Generous with his space, effort, money, but eventually he wanted to focus on his stressful job.
He kept texting me after, but I was devastated and didn't respond to anything. I really thought to myself during the relationship, wow this must be what it's supposed to feel like. Natural. Comfortable. Not perfect but easy enough to meet in the middle. Our energy was electric and contagious. Strangers, family, friends would all comment on how perfect we were for each other.
My parents won't stop talking about him while they're here helping me during recovery. He's stil been texting them after the breakup. Saying things like he wishes we could have worked. He asked my parents if he could bring over some soup and they said yes. Which pissed me off. He comes over upset that I'd texted him to leave me alone. He "still cares, which is why I'm still here and not in New York for work." 🙄
He seemed so remorseful when speaking to my parents and I wonder if it's manipulation. I heard him say that we're so compatible and it's rare. He and my dad spoke privately and apparently he cried to my dad and said he doesn't know what happened and that I did nothing wrong. But he felt like he was doing the right thing and that he was just mumbling whatever he could to break up with me.
Now it's a week later and he's asking to come over to get his soup container, say hi, and bring me a gift. I'm so confused because it's been a month and I'm still hurting and feel betrayed. I truly felt like this was going to be my forever relationship. I still love the version of him pre breakup. It's hard to believe he did all that as a deception just so I can feel loved. He said he wanted me to feel loved. Idk what to do.
Part of me wants to cut him off but another part of me is hoping for...something different? Him to show me something? Idk. When he broke up with me, he said he still wants to help me during recovery because he "owes me that much" but maybe it's just to ease his guilt and not because he actually cares about or loves me. My head and my heart are at odds.