I am new to Reddit. I joined only to share my story.
#
Has anyone (monogamous) fallen in love and been in a relationship with a polyamorous? What has your experience been?
I did, and it changed my views and myself as a person.
Long story short. We met, we dated, he was smitten with me. He'd tell me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me. The typical love-bombing that I thoughtlessly fell for. We were happy and I thought we made a good couple. But all good things come to an end and with time, I started to see the cracks in our relationship. He pulled himself away. He wasn't as affectionate as he used to be. When I confronted, I realized why. He wanted to see other women and have sex with them. Oblivious of his behavior, he had been sexually attracted to multiple girls and women. The audacity! I was taken aback!
Me: What are you trying to say?
Him: That I am polyamorous. This is who I am.
Me: What?
Me: That I am capable of loving multiple persons at the same time. I want to meet other people.
Me: (Stunned) What? I don’t understand. And where does that leave me? Am I not enough?
Him: I don't want to cheat on you.
Me: (Yelling) You are going to cheat on me after all that I have done?
It left me confused, ugly and so easily replaceable. It left me doubting my self worth and yes, it absolutely killed my self confidence. It made me wonder if the relationship was even real at all.
Me: When did you realize this? Are you going to leave me just to satisfy your carnal needs? Where is your self control?
I never received answers.
Me: Why did you chase me if you knew you are polyamorous?
Him: I did not know then, but now I know. I still love you, but I want to be with others too.
Me: So you decided to throw me away because I became inconvenient?
I realized how foolish and replaceable I was. It devastated me.
I tried to stay, but I ended the relationship. Correction- he ended! Lord knows I tried, but there was nothing I could do to change his mind and choice. I will never know if he ever lied to me and cheated on me. Hell! I don't even know if he is actually polyamorous or just a mistaken identity to cheat on me. Whatever it is, I can sure tell that he left me with crippling anxiety. I had to seek professional help. Wasted years!
I'm a one-man woman and perhaps I will never understand polyamory (I tried to). I will never understand how someone who was so in love could change overnight. The thought of sharing one's partner is just abhorrent to me.
I believe monogamy is a choice, just like polyamory is. And I choose monogamy because I want to come home to my only partner waiting and opening the door for me after work. I don't want a harem at my house. I want a home, not an entire village. But are there even men out there wanting a monogamous relationship anymore? Don't men in their 30s and 40s want to settle with one woman? Or are they still seeking casual relationships/hookups and a polyamorous lifestyle at this age? Truly, social media, porn, dating apps have destroyed modern relationships.
For the polyamorous people, here's a small note. With all due respect, please do not chase monogamous people. Many of us know very little about polyamory/ENM. Please do not hurt others by hiding your identity only because you're attracted to a monogamous person. That is a selfish and narcissistic act. And DO NOT absolutely chase monogamous people who are already in committed relationships. You're an asshole if you do so! Likewise, monos- be very, very, very sure you are indeed polyamorous and do not mention you're poly for the heck of casually dating.
Thank you for reading. All comments are welcome, but please be kind. I'd like to hear back from those who have been through a similar experience.