Last year, I was groomed and then sexually assaulted by an older guy. I feel like I’ve become asexual because of it. I’m repulsed by even just kissing, let alone anything more.
I recently got into a relationship with a boy my age (we’re both 16), and he’s super sweet. I like him a lot. All that we’ve done has been innocent touch that he’s initiated. I don’t mind the innocent physical touch, it kind of warms my heart, actually. 😭 I am too scared to initiate it, though. And I really fear that eventually he’ll try to kiss me and I’ll freak out.
Also, despite him being 3 months older than me, and being my peer, I feel like I’m somehow a predator. I feel like I’ve gotten so used to only receiving attention from older men that they’ve become my peers. I don’t think less of my boyfriend at all, he’s awesome, I’m just worried that like. Basically that I’m too damaged for him.
I can’t tell anyone in real life about what happened, and I’m not in therapy, so I’m not really sure how to navigate this. Advice from people who’ve experienced similar feelings would be super helpful. Thank you.