u/Due_Situation1786

Been posting some updates here throughout the week so far and just curious how others feel when they are almost at a week.

I have been using the patch to get off so it’s not terrible but I just feel like I’m missing something still.

I hate not having something to take the edge off. I have gone to the gym literally every day since quitting and sometimes two times a day.. but I still feel just bottled up.

What do you guys do to take the edge off of life in general? I feel like part of my brain is starting to rationalize only enjoying myself on weekends and staying locked in during the week but I fear it will lead me back to square one.

Can anyone else relate to this feeling? Like you’re missing out on some enjoyment? Whether it’s drinking or smoking or zyns..whatever it is, I have always struggled not having some sort of vice even since I was in high school.

Just rambling on, here is to a full week tomorrow off the Zyns.

Long term lurker here…

I could write an entire couple pages on this but I want to just keep this short so people read it.

I honestly am so exhausted dealing with this battle every day. Its like there are two sides of me inside at eternal struggle and I am constantly falling down. I either let God down or attempt to satisfy my desires for affection and love. I genuinely feel like no matter what I do I lose.

I abandon any hopes of finding a partner and I make God happy, or I find a boyfriend and enjoy my life and let him down. Im lonely, I’m sad and I’m just not happy. I am not even saying I just want sex, I don’t. I just want a partner, to hold, be held, do stuff together with, ya know?

When I came to Christ I was on fire. I changed my ways hard. I abstained from porn, lustful ways, all that.

Nowadays I just feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle. I’ve fallen so far into old ways. I see men and want that affection. I was started to have those feelings diminish when I first became a Christian again but now I feel like I’m in this weird ass purgatory. I DO want a relationship with a woman, have kids and a family but then I wonder if I’m just lying to myself. I wish those feelings came as naturally as they did for men, and I hate that it doesn’t.

Sorry for the random post but, I don’t know man I’m just tired. I look around and see straight couples in “normal” relationships and wish I could have that. I hate this attraction to same sex.

I thought this would get easier, those attractions would fade but they just don’t, and I’m tired of letting God down, and not having a fulfilling love life. I’m in my late 20s and feel like I’m missing out on so much..

I have been single since my last relationship with another guy, and it’s been about 5 years now..

I don’t want to be alone forever. I want to be a good Christian. I feel like I’m endlessly sitting at some crossroad, frozen, not sure which direction to go anymore.