Did this happen to anyone else? I know she said this because she didnt want to feel guilty about discarding me. Its been over a year and im still not "okay". Im doing better then I was before but I hate thinking about how she thought I would be fine. Clear conscious I guess makes her feel better about what she did/how she did it.
So ive been thinking about this a lot, and for my case, my ex would occasionally ask me questions in the beginning of our relationship about how I would feel if sex was suddenly off the table. At first I said I wouldn't stay with someone who couldn't be affectionate. I see this as a precursor/red flag as to what was to come. Like she was "prepping" me to what was gonna happen. I had no idea about attachment styles beforehand. I was head over heels in love with this woman. Best relationship I've ever had. I understood that the honey moon phase eventually ends and things could slow down, but boy I wasn't ready for what was to come.
I (29m) her (25f) dated for 2 years. I understood her patterns, her needs/desires, the sex in the first 1.5 years was consistent, same with any other affection. Then one day, after a very nice night, we had sex and something changed with her. She was angry/frustrated and wouldnt exactly explain why, her reasons didnt make sense and nothing weird or forced happened, just our usual thing and for some reason she didnt like it anymore. That was the last night we had sex. Gradually over the next 5 months she stopped handholding, big kisses gone/small kisses were quick, hugs became side hugs, cuddling almost non existant, playful touches dimissed, closeness gone, sharing drinks/food/smokes gone, I would say I love you all the time all I got back was "thanks you too" she started degrading me, making fun of my "choices" and putting me down and saying she was joking but "trying to educate" me. She started to get "sick" all the time, I always planned everything and she would constantly complain about anything. Too busy with work. Everytime she shut me down for affection she would say "i know this hurts you but the honeymoon phase is over" I stuck by her side, had constant conversations about it, even changed my mind about the whole "no sex thing" bc i thought whatever shes going thru she needs support and im here for it and Ill wait as long as it takes. Im hurting at this point. I just want love. I kept giving and waiting. I only got small doses of it. Like an occasional shoulder rest which she would quickly retreat from.
I got super depressed, didnt know what was happening, was scared, and desperate for her to change. I understand this now as her disconnecting/checking out/withdrawing. But i kept staying. Which i think confused her. My therapist told me she was probably trying to make me break up with her. Anyways, she ended up discarding me on my birthday, after I asked her for reassurance about our relationship since everything had been so weird lately. The day before at my bday party she couldnt even look me in the eye or talk to me while all my friends sat there and watched. She told me she couldnt do relationships and that intimacy scared her, and that she needed to find herself. After she broke up with me she acted like nothing happened, and was "confused" that I had changed and become different, and cold and unhappy. I found out later that she started dating my friend immediately after breaking up with me and had been entertaining him for months. She claims to everyone that the relationship ended mutually. What pisses me off is the shut off, the waiting, and then moving on like nothing happened and lying about wanting intimacy/affection only to run to someone else for it. Like wtf is wrong with them.