u/Due_Party6740

This is my first Mother’s Day being a mom and I need to get this off my chest. This is a weird one, hold onto your butts. (Tw for preeclampsia)

I always thought I had an “ok” relationship with my parents, even though my dad was a drunk and I always felt guilty before, during, and after hanging out with my mom. When I got pregnant and they offered to rent a place for a few months nearby so they could help out with house stuff and the baby, I was surprised and a little freaked out. It was hugely kind and generous and I thought it had the potential of being a turning point in our relationship. Plus, we reeeally needed the help. So we accepted.

Fast forward a few months, and I get diagnosed with preeclampsia at 32 weeks. It was super scary and I asked them to come up early. My mom seemed worried and initially agreed, then said she wouldn’t because my dad’s 50 year high school reunion was that week and she had to stay and go. They still ended up coming up a week early and helping out around the house here and there.

I made it to 36 weeks before I had to be induced due to severe preeclampsia. After a routine OB check, my BP was super elevated so they sent me right over to the hospital. My husband kept them updated and we asked them to stay with our dogs that night at our house. They agreed and got to my house quickly, husband wasn’t there yet. They later complained that we didn’t leave a key for them (how?) When my husband arrived, he set them up with beds and clean bedding and they chose to sleep on the couch instead. My sister came to town the next day and took over dog and house care and any additional projects we still needed done. My parents stayed at their condo and didn’t help.

I asked my sister to talk to my mom about her not smoking cigarettes around the baby and changing clothes if she has smoked and wants to hold him. I was planning on it but I ran out of time. Apparently she took it well and was understanding and gracious.

After I delivered and everyone was healthy and safe, I invited them to come and meet the baby. My husband went and met them at the door and gave them updates. They barely made eye contact with him, only replied to updates with “great” or “sounds good”. Bizarre.

When my mom first walked in the room, I walked up to her and tried to hug her but she was giving me the meanest look. “Why are you oooking at me like that?” I asked. “Why are YOU looking at ME like that?” She replied. I’m not! Well neither am I! Okay…and we hugged. My dad stood off to the side. Neither of them looked at the baby.

I sat down and told them I needed to feed him and that mom could burp him afterwards and then dad could hold him. I was trying to be fair. They both said no - mom doesn’t like to burp babies and dad doesn’t want to hold him. What the fuck? So I feed him, burp him, and ask my mom if she wants to hold him. She refuses. I ask why and she gives me the run around. My dad steps out for a moment, says he has to go because he has “things to do”. My mom follows him, I yell for her to come back, what did I do wrong, I’m sorry, etc. but she keeps walking.

I ask my sister to go get her and she finally returns. I’m bawling at this point, begging for her to explain to me what I did wrong. She sneers and says, “I heard you think I stink”. We have a back and forth, where I explain to her that smoke on clothing can hurt newborn babies lungs, I just want to keep him safe. She says she wants what’s best for the baby too, but I should have talked to her directly, not through my sister. I told her I was scared to talk to her because she’s sensitive about her smoking. She agreed she is sensitive. I ask again if she wants to hold him and she agrees. They TAKE PICTURES of her holding the baby and me next to them, red puffy eyes and all. I ask them to leave shortly after that. My dad never holds him.

As I’m leaving the hospital the next day, I find out from my sister that my parents have left town because they have “things they need to take care of”. They are retired and have no things. I was gobsmacked. My postpartum plan was crumbled and they have once again let me down. My babies middle name was going to be after my grandfather but I changed it before I submitted my paperwork to something random. I was so hurt and angry and confused. It’s been 7 months and I still am.

A few days ago, I asked my mom if she has any baby pictures of me. She replied “what do you think?” I blocked her.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers trying to break the cycles. This shit is rough,

ETA I’m not crazy, right? This is actually pretty fucked up?

Side sleeping at 7months

Parents meeting my baby in the hospital