Hello all, this subreddit has been a lifesaver since ive started this journey. Dday was over a month ago
My partner and I’s relationship was next to perfect, he understands me so well, he has never judged me or made me feel unsafe, we communicate about everything and anything. we laugh together and we were already in talks about engagement. life was seemingly perfect.
I had known about prior porn usage and he mentioned he was an addict. I brushed it off because “all men use it” but never in a million years did I think it would be this bad.
I found photos downloaded on a computer and that led to deeper questioning and snooping, i then found this cloud based dropbox thing and managed to sign into it and i found many of photos of women, normal non sexual photos, beach photos. Mostly influencers, celebs, OF.
Unfortunately, 2 photos were of people we know very closely. As you can imagine I was very shocked and hurt due to the boundaries being beyond crossed. I know that everyone is probably like leave him wtf thats sick but its hard to feel that when this person is my world. hes my best friend and everything in between.
He has taken all accountability, he understands how wrong this all is. He never once made me feel guilty or bad for anything. He has tried stopping before we got together but was never successful but now since I know he wants to change and has been doing really well. He started therapy, SAA, and has been working on the communication.
I feel okay most of the time but the problem is I told friends and now I am getting caught up in the judgement (i know its happening) and the fact that I know no one wants to be around my partner (not that they ever really were) and the fear that i told them too much and that one day they will tell each other everything.
I truly want to work it out with my partner, i believe him and still have some trust in him to change. I just regret telling people but I did because I wanted to feel supported and got the opposite.
Im just stuck in the “im proud of my partner for trying and doing what he’s saying and for wanting to better his life” and the “am i being a fucked up friend for staying when this happened and am i supposed to be more angry”
I know that my friends (who know everything) think i should leave him, i can sense it. I truly do not want to end my relationship in any way, I will if he lies to me again and if i find more, he knows this.
I know that my friends are not in my relationship, they don’t know what i know, but i have a really bad problem with trying to make everyone happy and part of me feels if everything around me in my friendships crumble at least ill have my relationship and other friendships that havent but these people have been there for years. I just hate being perceived and im afraid my friendships will be ruined
Anyway, any advice is appreciated, any positive support.