So me (26f) and my husband 26m) have been together for 12 years. We had our son at 19, and have been married a couple of years.
In the past I’ve caught my husband looking at naked women (solo) online. I made him aware of how it made me feel and he promised he wouldn’t do it again. Last night I found out he was looking at a porn star’s IG page and was scrolling very deep into her page to look at her videos. One of the videos was her dressed as a “sexy cop” shaking her butt. I confronted him and asked for honesty. He told me he thinks he has a PA. He tells me he can go a few months without it but he gets urges to do it and has to almost right away.
He tells me he goes on Twitter and tries to find couples. But I find it hard to believe given his history and the fact that Twitter is swarmed with girls promoting their OF, etc.
The main thing is I feel like he’s not being completely honest and it’s hard to know for sure. It makes sense to me that he’s fantasizing about these women and lusts after them, like he has a need to look at/think about other women. Side note- it might not even be relevant but one of his coworkers (lives in a different city) sends him sexual reels on IG. There’s one of a picture of a cop with a big butt and the post points out how big it is. His coworker said “this is why you need to come to {insert town}. My husband tells me it’s nothing, but my thinking is why would that guy feel comfortable sending stuff like that to my husband?? Also, my husband has told me about numerous coworkers that cheat on their wives and I can’t help but feel like he’s inching that way, if he hasn’t done it to me already.
I feel like I’m going crazy and maybe I’m just overthinking it all..
Someone please help me understand this. I’m just feeling hurt, betrayed, and honestly angry.
Do you think he’s being 100% honest?