TW: accidentally got intoxicated; did the right things, just a freaky situation share.
I (26F) have been completely sober (and clean, but never liked being on any other substance anyway-) for 3.5 years. i have a great life today, deep in service, have a good core friend group around me, im rigorously honest with my sponsor, and i have always taken any possible prescriptions exactly as prescribed…
and 2 weeks ago i had bronchitis (saw a doc) and he prescribed a simple cough medicine. *i have always avoided any cough syrups with codeine, and i don’t reach for extra strength if i don’t need it* & there was zero issue as i was dosing correctly while taking my medicine the last while (bear with me for singleness of purpose—allow me to clarify this relevance below). so i still have a residual cough and i took the cough medicine almost every day because the pain was getting worse and unbearable (i partially dislocated my ribs coughing so hard and had to tape them so they wouldn’t expand because im hypermobile), but today before meeting with a sponsee i was rushing to leave the house as my Uber waited outside when i remembered to take it because a new coughing fit had started, and so i didn’t measure it in the rush naively and i misjudged those two baby sips (meant to be 2 teaspoons).
Anyway, nothing terrifying, yes i was measuring doses before that rush this evening, was fine during my AA meeting, and then it went away. but then it came back, and long story short-ish: i panicked and got assessed by paramedics in my driveway. i told you, i hate the feeling of other substances. they said nothing seemed emergent, i didn’t have too much i just needed to rest,
but the reason im posting is because i felt triggered because it reminded me viscerally of my “flash” memories while blackout drinking years ago, flash meaning just incremental. it felt scary because its a lack of stimulation and awareness im no longer accustomed to and its such a blessing to be able to say that, thinking when i came in these rooms in 2022 id never want to stay. in other words, it was an honest mistake but the shame feelings from when old me would’ve taken advantage of that kinda situation surfaced, even though it didn’t match. a pain body, if you’re familiar with Echart Tolle.
and im proud that i took care of myself. i woke my roommate up but she said it was in my head, i tried calling my bf who lives an hour away for support because i faint at hospitals but he was fast asleep, called a closeby friend but ‘asleep, then a friend who did answer reminded me before rushing to the hospital i could just be simply assessed by paramedics first at my address for peace of mind. im safe in bed and letting my body cool down, journalling and praying, but i felt so nervous as if i did something wrong, like embarrassment washed over me however i genuinely did not purposefully do that to myself, so my motives are intact and innocent. i truly care about putting my sobriety first and that challenge showed me i am capable of advocating for myself—something old-me could never sanely do when in a worrisome urgent position. i am so grateful to be away from needing or wanting those general effects, but it felt so isolating to make the judgment call and im proud i care enough about myself today to right a careless mistake and try to protect myself.
im grateful it didn’t spur on any cravings, and im grateful for that experience in one way because it reminded me how i am NOT missing out (even if i knew that since life’s been good anyway).
just looking for any kind of support as this was still pretty jarring since it was unexpected but i’m meeting with my sponsor tomorrow and i again assure you it wasn’t intentional but just more of a refresher on what i don’t miss and wanted to share.