u/Due-Leader6489

Well it’s been 164 days since my husband left this world. Just recently, I realized that I have been almost only thinking of him at his very best moments. I have somehow smoothed over the rough edges of his personality. I’m thinking it’s a common thing to do but it’s maybe not a helpful thing to do. Like he is a revered soul, an angel. Most times that’s how I feel, but not always. I mean he wasn’t necessarily a bad guy, just very opinionated and shared his opinions with anyone who listened (this got him in trouble on occasion). And sometimes he did disappointing things that were not exactly good for the well being of our family.

I mean I feel guilty for even writing ill of the dead. Everyone else here seems to talk so glowingly about their lost person, so maybe none of you can understand. I know I also speak highly about him too but he certainly was not perfect.

I have a memorized recipe for banana bread. I used to make three little loaves, one for each of us in our family (we have one kid). Mine has pecans, the kid’s is plain and my husband has chocolate chips. Well there was an old banana so I decided to make my recipe. You see where this is going don’t you? I ended up making them all plain and I can’t believe I feel terrible about banana bread. guess I need to get new recipes that he had no connection to. That doesn’t work either because I would think “Oh he would have loved these cookies.” I can’t win.

i can’t tell anyone else this stuff because it just makes things sad and awkward. btw it would be our 27th anniversary today, May 8th. It’s been 161 days since he left this world. I’m rambling. Feel free to ramble back. It’s 1:26am my time. Sleep and I aren’t friends recently.

Do you have weird little things that remind you of your person?