u/Due-Landscape3982

Hello THT community, it’s me again with an update on a recent post i made on this sub reddit about going through my husband’s bank statement in finding out his paying for OF.

I do wanna thank everyone who commented on my last post and who gave me some advice. I am not looking into leaving him just because we had a misunderstanding in communication, but thank you for your opinion nonetheless

Now to the update. the next day after the fight, we had a long talk about how he got mad at me because he felt like I was violating he’s privacy and that he thinks that even though we’re married, we should be able to have our own lives and how we don’t see it the same way, but now that he has explained that to me and the reason of why he’s paying OF, it kind of made sense why he got so defensive all I have to say just not to out him too much is that he’s not looking at other women on OF.

I have always known he’s a little fruity on the side, and I have no problem with it as I had previously explained that I identify myself as bi sexual, also corn in this marriage is not cheating, for all of you who said that he was definitely cheating and for all of you who think that corn is cheating for us is not, I also watch corn. It’s just that it’s easier for me to watch regular corn, but he has some niche liking of the type of corn he prefers, and he doesn’t mind and has never complained about that. I just didn’t understand why he was paying.

He apologize for the way that he reacted to the whole situation and recognizing that he was in the wrong. he made a promise to cancel his acc if I feel so threatened by it and again he reassured me and showed me how is not other women what he’s looking at. And reassured me that he loves me and that I’m the woman he chose to spend the rest of his life with.

He also promised me to be more attentive of my feelings, cause he did admit that he didn’t stop to think what will happen if I realize that he had an OF account and promised to be more considerate of my feelings in the future regarding corn and that type of stuff.

And to all the people which was most of the comments who told me to leave him and that he’s worth nothing and stuff like that, you just saw one glimpse of our marriage. The fact that he came to me to talk, the next day is a really big change in his attitude. He has grown so much cause we have had misunderstandings before and it would usually end in dismissing and not ever talking about it again, but the fact that this time he came to me and talked about it, show me what was really happening and explained to me what was really happening. It’s a really big step for us and for him especially so again thank you for the advice, but it’s also really hard to leave someone that you’ve been with for eight years and it’s harder when the money is not enough, but thank you for reading and commenting.

I’m sorry if this is not the update you wanted 🤷‍♀️

My husband (35M) and I (29F) have been together for 8yrs, married for 5yrs, and we have always had a different approach on money and relationships. I think that since we are married we should share how much we get paid and how we spend it with one another, i’m always sharing and asking for advice on weather i should buy some things or if i should wait a little bit. We live paycheck to paycheck mostly. I work at Walmart and he works fast food so money can be a little tight sometimes, we also have some debt to be paid to the IRS and a personal loan he took to pay for my green card. He manages most of the payments on the debts, bills and his credit cards. I have NEVER know how much he makes, we do pay a lot of subscriptions too, he sometimes asks me for my card or how much money i have left on my bank account so he pan pay the phone bill pr some other stuff.
Anyway, we had a bit of an emergency the other night and it cost us $220, a couple of days before that we had bought a much needed new mattress and after all that our joint savings account went down to $100 (most of the savings were made by me), so the other day i was trying to re balance how much we spend to see if we could save some money again just in case of an emergency, after i asked and took notes on how much we spent in a month on basic things, i asked about the subscriptions, he got annoyed, i tried explaining i wanted to save in case of an emergency, he said “well you’re fudup if your always thinking about something happening to you that you’ll need a moth worth of bills in the savings”. I decided i didn’t want to have that fight so i let it go and stopped asking.
Fast forward to yesterday, we almost never check the mail and it usually accumulates on the table till i get rid of it, so i was doing that yesterday and i saw one of the letters was a credit card statement, so i opened it, i was curious about how much credit he had available, but turns out i found 4 different charges on OF (around $40 total). I didn’t know how to feel about it, i still don’t. But then i did something stupid, I highlighted the charges and put it on the fridge, went to work knowing he would see the highlighted statement cuz he gets off before me.

When i came home last night he confronted me about the statement and to not make this post longer he basically said “what you did was wrong and kinda illegal cuz its not your mail” also “this is why i don’t like talking about money with you, i knew you would do something crazy and controlling like this” and “it was just a one time thing so i could see this specific girl naked bit it has nothing to do about sex” (we hav had some complications on the sex department) he was all mad and made it all about me “going through his personal stuff”. He didn’t speak to me most of the night, he disconnected the ps5 so i couldn’t watch my show on it(but we have a smart tv so…) and then he came out of the room to turn off all the lights and the tv, and take the tv control away leaving me in the dark living room
So THT community, was i the as hole for looking at his credit card statement???