Just when everything was looking up for my mental health, my parents denied me medication for treatment of my ADHD - For the first time in my life, I completely broke down. Miso and premade cappuccino.
My entire life I have struggled with my mental health, but perhaps the worst of it has been my ADHD; My entire school life has been spent getting the lowest grades due to forgetting to in assignments or not doing homework, and it's always been treated like it's something I do on purpose - It's not, and it's put me in even more mental anguish more than anything else in my life.
I have only barely managed to make through middle & high school due to consuming copious amounts of caffeine to ease my symptoms. After years of the endless uphill battle of trying to find ways to self medicate myself, I finally landed myself with a therapist who offered to talk to my parents about possible medication. For once in my life, it finally felt like my struggle would finally end.
Instead of the wonderful news that I'd finally be prescribed something to treat my symptoms, my parents have instead decided to "explore options other than medication", and instead want to leave it as a last resort; I broke down. I cried on my bedroom floor for perhaps an hour before I physically couldn't cry anymore. I had to crawl into bed from how weak I felt.
I feel strangely pretentious for having such a reaction to something some may consider 'minor', but it really isn't. It's absolutely gutting to be denied treatment for something that makes everyday torture, especially from the two people who are supposed to support you unconditionally.
I'm not opposed to treatment other than medication, but it just doesn't work. My parent's hardly understand how my disorder works in the first place - My brain literally does everything in its power to stop me from doing productive things, so how could little decorated sticky notes plastered with reminders ever do anything? They tell me a habit will form if I do something enough, but it is impossible for me to form habits like a normal person due to the way my brain works.
Most of all, it feels like I had my chance at being a normal person stripped away from me... All because of reservations and stigmas they have with medication as treatment. I have to suffer, and fail through education until I am old enough to no longer be under their care, all because they don't truly understand how my disorder works.
It's tiring. I'm so tired of all this "Normalize ADHD! Normalize ASD!" speak everyone has until someone with those disorders actually struggles with them. I'm even more so tired of the people who write off ADHD as a little quirk some people have. My disorder is not a silly little character trait, or something minor, it makes me want to kill myself because of how unproductive it makes me.
I'm just so tired. I really just want to be a normal person. At least I have coffee.