u/Due-Cry-9693

in theory it’s so simple. come get in bed with me. hold me. say you’re sorry. stop running away when things are hard. but night after night. silence.

My therapist said you can only shatter a plate against the wall so many times before you can no longer put the pieces back together to make a plate. I told her, “but we were already broken plates before either of us shattered the other.”

I want to reassemble your broken shards. To make a beautiful mosaic. Even if my hands are bloodied in the process. I can fill my cracks with mod podge and glue, I’d do that for you.

-H

I wonder when my heart takes its final beat, will it be you I see?

it all hurts. i cry and it hurts. i distract and it hurts. i put up walls and it hurts. i fall apart and it hurts. I want to scream. I want to collapse. I want to shout to a god I don’t believe in. why why why. it hurts so fucking much. it all hurts.

I wish it was as simple as saying hey, could you come hold me. But it’s not. I crave you to hold me and then I remember. Why am I asking to be held? Why do I have to beg for love, again and again and again. It’s torture, this memory of mine.

and the thought of someone else holding me.. someone else’s arms..I can’t even picture it. Can you?

Your pride.

Anger. 

Ego. 

List of reasons. 

I hope they’re enough—

To convince yourself for the rest of time. 

Because I’ll never try again, to convince you otherwise. 

You win. 

I forfeit. 

Lonely is our prison 

We built brick by brick 

Every argument 

Every harsh word 

Every time we defended instead of understanding 

Every time we ignored instead of reaching 

The bricks stacked upon one another

Me on one side 

You on the other 

More anger 

More resentment 

More stress

Less laughter 

Less love 

The bricks grew 

Forgetting the good 

Bringing up the bad 

Argument after argument 

Mistake after mistake 

Now here we stand 

Alone

In separate rooms 

In the lonely prison’s that we built. 

I’m tired of being strong. I don’t want to do it all on my own. I want to have someone to support me and love me and care for me.. it’s just too much, and I’ll never understand.