I turned 20 recently and had a small birthday get-together on Saturday with three of my friends, my boyfriend, and one of my friends’ boyfriends. We went out to dinner, and afterward we were all supposed to go back to my house to play video games.
When we were leaving the restaurant, I was sitting in my car waiting for everyone to get in. I noticed nobody was getting in, so I stepped out and saw everyone standing behind my car laughing. Someone had written “Happy 20th Birthday” and my name on the back window. I saw that and thought it was cute. I also noticed someone wrote “unc,” which I laughed at too. I genuinely did not see anything else. I’m short, and the car is tall, and whatever else was written was higher up on the back window, so I missed it.
Fast forward to Monday, I’m at work, and my mom texts me a picture of the back of the car, furious. That’s when I saw there was also a penis drawn on the back window NEXT TO MY NAME. I had no idea it was there. She had driven the car to work from NJ all the way to NYC and was freaking out about who could have seen it and her coworkers (which I completely understood and was mad about on her behalf). I texted the group chat asking who did it, and my friend’s boyfriend admitted it. I gave him my mom’s number and told him to apologize, which he did.
At first, I was annoyed, but I was trying to tell myself it wasn’t that deep. Then later, my mom called me, screaming at me, calling me names, blaming me, saying my friends were horrible, saying nobody was allowed at the house anymore, and saying if I saw my boyfriend again, she would kick me out. Even though we knew my friend’s boyfriend was the one who did it, she kept attacking and blaming me and saying my boyfriend and my friends were at fault too for not erasing it.
This really messed me up because her reaction reminded me of how she used to treat me when I was younger. I was shaking and scared to go home. When I got home later, she and my stepdad were waiting for me at the table, and we had a whole conversation about it. My stepdad told her she was overreacting, and that's what kids do, but she stood firm, saying my boyfriend should have known better and asked me how I carried myself so that someone thought it was okay to do that to me. It still felt like she was blaming me, even though I literally had no idea the drawing was there.
At the same time, I was also upset with my friends and my boyfriend. Not because I think they caused my mom’s reaction, but because nobody erased the drawing (they know how my mom is), and nobody checked up on me after seeing my reaction in the group chat. Even when we were talking in the group chat, it was only my friend's boyfriend replying to me and nobody else. I was especially hurt because the guy who did it is not even really my friend. He is my friend’s boyfriend, and we barely know each other, so I don’t understand why he thought it was okay to draw something like that next to my name on my car.
When I confronted him in the group chat, he apologized, but then started acting like everyone hated him and left the chat (mind you, I was the only one talking in the group chat at this point, and nobody said anything along those lines). I was already overwhelmed, so I left too because I didn’t want to say something out of anger.
Now I feel like everything is ruined. My mom eventually calmed down (the next day) and seemed to realize she overreacted, but the damage already feels done. I’ve been crying, isolating myself, avoiding my boyfriend, and feeling hurt that some of my friends haven’t really checked on me. I'm just so upset and I dont understand why my mom is punishing me for something not only out ofmy control but something I wasnt even aware of too. I feel like my mom’s reaction made the situation 100 times worse and even though i tried my bes tot stay calm and remove myself from the situation before I said something I regret I feel like I ruined all my relationships those were my only friends I'm geniunly all alone now and my mom won't let me leave the house. Also, if im being honest, during the heat of it on my drive home, I was praying I'd crash my car. I just want to lie in the middle of the road and get run over.
I don’t know how to approach this. Part of me feels like I’m overreacting because it was supposed to be a joke, but another part of me feels like it was disrespectful and humiliating, especially because it caused such a huge problem at home.
Should I not be upset? Should I even bother eraching out or give mysefl time because I really just want to be alone and suffer rn. How should I handle my friends and my boyfriend after this if i ever reach out?
Theres more but I condesned it the best I could please give advice I;m happy to give more detais if needed:(.