I gently hold the hard plastic card in my left hand
...
On the front is my (low res) picture from year 11, a half-ironic smile on my face
I actually looked kind of cute back then, like someone I would fuck
A boy who still had some kind of hope, naïve optimism
Even back then I knew about the dangers of the world
I was excited to make new friends, live through new experiences
I want to live the kind of life you never forget, I want to go places, I want to have as many friends as possible, and I don't want to miss out on a single experience
The good and the bad
I want to leave no stone unturned
...
On the back, in faded lettering, is the number that you call if you need help
If you have any worries or concerns about yourself or a friend
Slowly fading away
Fading like the glimmer of hope that anyone could have helped
The glimmer of hope that some handsome prince was coming to whisk me away one day
And this life would be left as nothing but a distant memory
A separate world
...
I don't feel any connection to it now
It feels like a little piece of someone else's life like
How an alien would feel
Coming down to Earth long after the extinction of humanity
Finding that card
A tiny remnant of another world
...
I always felt like a ghost in this world
Everyone else with their smiling faces, laughing with friends and basking in the sun
Plans for the future and happy memories of the past
Unpredictable, spontaneous, fast-moving, free
As the wind, and the sky, and the sand, and the sea
It's my own fault that I'm alone
All I really wanted was to feel some semblance of control
But I was deluding myself
For everyone else this is just a little stepping stone; for me it's a lifelong weight
...
Valid until: 31/07/2026
I have to hand this back in soon~