CMV: Gender roles harm both men and women more than they help society
Screaming from the same cage
Our world is constantly measured by ever changing yet outdated values. Being a man or a woman is not just about biology, it’s about the social stigma both face, surviving a maze of expectations pressured onto them from birth all the way to the end of their lives. From the moment we are born, individuals are funneled into the boxes of masculinity and femininity, setting them up for a lifetime of burden on how society perceives them. All this for what, their chromosomes? Men are told to be stoic, cold providers for their family whose emotions go undervalued or even belittled, and women are told to adhere to endless standards of being “petite, weak, and in need of protection” along with the added sexual safety risks of just merely being a woman. Neither path is easy, and neither is fair.
But here’s the truth: The standards themselves are the problem. They don’t just shape behavior, they conceal it, wrap it as if it was to never be discovered. All lost potential of what a man or a woman can be under the guise of public decency and mediocrity.
To put this to scale, I have interviewed 12 people – 6 men and 6 women. All of the same age group, ethnicity, school, similar upbringing, etc. The only divergence is the gender of the participants. Interestingly, both groups have fundamentally valid points, though all have a common factor on where their argument comes from.
-Men’s perspective-
Many sides taking men in this survey experienced frustration over the pressure to maintain a stoic, rock solid exterior – expected to be the protector of the household constantly with no emotional struggle whatsoever. Many of my responders highlighted the dismissal of men’s mental health issues, noting how emotional struggle often gets minimized due to it contradicting traditional masculinity. Participants pointed out that while women may have more hormonal challenges, men face emotional struggles they cannot openly discuss, trapped by the stigma of “being a man”, emphasizing how men’s mental health often goes overlooked, especially when women’s hormonal changes are used to explain away their difficulties.
-Women’s perspective-
On the other hand, the responders that voted neutral or women leaning highlight the ongoing dangers of sexual and domestic violence, the heavy burden of beauty standards, and the physical and emotional toll of hormonal changes throughout a woman’s life. My responders first noted how many men’s behavior towards women is enabled constantly, such as the “boys will be boys” attitude as an excuse to hurt their partner physically and emotionally. My responders described the overwhelming expectations placed on women to be emotionally available yet submissive — a “perfect person and a pushover all the time”, to be perceived as feminine and in need of protection, something not all women resonate with. Women face being overly sexualized and standardized in ways that limit their freedom. Participants note the risks women face related to sexual safety, pregnancy, wage disparities, judgment, and the fear of being alone or unsupported in a world that favors the patriarchy.
-The intersection of expectations-
What emerges from these two clashing voices is a similarity in pain. Both are expected to adhere to unattainable roles that strip each other of their humanity. We are expected to behave as if we are a copy of one another in the name of tradition. Men are burdened with the need to appear invulnerable and to suppress emotional pain, while women carry the weight of physical safety concerns, beauty standards, and societal judgment.
These pressures intersect in complex ways, for example, the dismissal of men’s mental health can lead to cases of toxic masculinity, their rage boiling over onto their partners, be it man or woman. Conversely, a woman’s struggle for autonomy challenges the traditional man-woman dynamic, leading to confusion and retribution backing against it.
-A more compassionate future-
The question whether women or men have it harder in modern society misses the point completely. It’s not one against the other, it’s an analysis of the struggles our population has to deal with globally. While egalitarianism is impossible in today’s world, the stereotypes imposed on both have been proven to be inherently harmful on both, resulting in resentment towards the opposite binary. The real issue is the restrictive nature of the standards themselves. These societal scripts limit the potential of every individual, regardless of gender, by boxing them into narrow roles that discourage authenticity and empathy.
The path forward, though seemingly out of reach, is a society where men and women can freely express themselves without shame or judgement from outside eyes. Perhaps a femboy can walk freely in public in a conservative area, or a woman can be the sole income of a family without feeling incomplete about it. This means valuing emotional openness as much as resilience, recognizing the full spectrum of human experience beyond gender stereotypes, and fostering respect and safety for all.
So tell me, when did we agree to live like this? Why did we get used to this?