We’ve been together on and off since college (she was the year below me) but even when we were off we were always still kind of on, and in the past year we finally decided to get serious. This has been the most serious relationship either of us have ever been in, and we had some truly great moments. I can tell you with no uncertainty that I love her and wish the best for her, but I don’t feel the same spark I used to. I’ve always known she loved me more than I loved her, but I made sure to always show her that same level of affection, because I care about her. But lately, it’s been harder to put in that same level of affection. Frankly, I knew I wasn’t happy for a while and it’s getting harder to pretend I am. I think it’s finally time to move on and end things for good.
Here’s the issue. She’s about to graduate and has to move back in with her parents in her home town, who are awful people, and who make her incredibly depressed. She’s been struggling with her mental health for a while, and has had suicidal thoughts in the past, but has never done anything. The hard part is knowing it’s about to get tougher for her. I don’t want to add to it, but I can’t prolong the inevitable. That being said, she has been doing good as of late, she’s surprisingly upbeat, she’s been exploring her passions, finding friends, and creating a plan on how to get out of her parent’s house. She’s a survivor, plain and simple, and she’s really been growing lately. But I worry that if we break up, she’s gonna backslide. My big fear, although I’m not sure how realistic it is, is that she might harm herself in some way and I want to make sure that doesn’t happen. I know there’s never a good time to break up, but this feels like a particularly bad time, yet I can’t stay in a relationship I’m not feeling connected to. I feel like an shithead no matter what I do, and I’m kind of accepting that I’m just gonna have to feel like a shithead for a while, I’m not looking for any reassurance about that. More than anything I’m looking for a way to break up with her where I can make sure she’s going to be ok. I know there’s no painless way to break up, but I want to make sure I’m not leaving her completely alone. That being said, I want to make sure it’s clear that I need to move on. I would maybe like to be friends again down the line when we’ve both moved on, but no time soon considering our propensity to backslide into a relationship. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? Sorry if I’m rambling this has just been a hard decision to come to.
TLDR: Lesbian breakups are messy as hell. I know this is gonna hurt her a lot, but I want to make sure I’m setting her up to bounce back from it. Wondering how to do this?