28M. I had never really felt loved, and I had never truly loved anyone, until I met her (24F). I had girlfriends before her, only two, to be honest, but now I realize I didn’t love either of them. They were fine relationships, and the breakups were smooth (at least from my side). No hard feelings.
She showed me something I had never experienced before. She showed me what real care feels like, what it’s like when someone genuinely wants you. For the first time I felt like I had found the person I wanted to take care of and make happy, no matter what. It didn’t last long. Three months to be precise. Three months in the relationship I started feeling like something was off. They were little things at first, but when there is enough of them you notice. I did what anyone would do, I started digging. I didn’t go through her phone or personal stuff. I mostly looked at our private chats, the pictures she sent me, and compared them with things from other sources, like social media. That’s how I found undeniable proof that she had cheated on me with her ex, of all people.
It might sound like I’m overthinking or making things up, but I’m not. Everything was right in front of me the whole time, I just hadn’t seen the full picture until I put the pieces together myself.
I called her out, not directly about the cheating, but about why she was avoiding me, why we were spending less time together, and what she was doing on certain days and at certain times. As I sat there listening to her gaslighting and excuses, I couldn’t take it anymore. I dumped her on the spot and went home. I think she really did love me and wanted to keep me, but you can’t keep someone with lies, and my trust was already broken.
A few weeks later, I texted her and explained that I had ended things because I knew she had cheated. I was feeling down and felt like I owed her some kind of explanation. She admitted it and said she was sorry.
My life mostly went back to how it was before her. But now I feel lonely in a way I’ve never felt before. I don’t know how to handle it. I still do the same things and spend time the same way, but there’s always this feeling that something is missing. Recently I can’t enjoy things like I used to I just pretend I do. She had a huge impact on me. She showed me something beautiful, something nice, and because of that the betrayal feel much more worse. I don’t want her back. I miss the times we spent together, but I don’t miss her.
I have no family to talk to about things like this. In my friend group, I’m the reliable one, the pillar everyone leans on. I have never needed to open up to them about my problems or feelings, so I don’t even know how to approach it. I also feel like if I do, it might change things in a way I can’t take back. I am suffering, that’s why I’m writing this here, hoping it helps even a little.
I really appreciate you reading it through. Thank you and wish you the best!