u/Dry-Plant-3742

I created this throwaway account since my husband follows my main account. He does not follow this subreddit. Trigger warning as this post mentions assault.

My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married 3.5 years. Let me first say, I’ve never been so lucky. I truly cannot picture myself without him, as he is my absolute best friend and the love of my life. I believe we are a very healthy couple. Our communication, compassion, and comprehension towards each other is something we’re very proud of. When we fight (which is not often) we are good at taking a step back and handling the problem at hand without yelling, cussing, or being immature. He has NEVER put a hand on me, nor has he made me feel he would ever get physical with me. I’ve seen him get very upset with me and to other people before. And in a good way, even when he’s truly mad, he always talks to me different than when he’s upset with anyone else. He’s more careful and respectful when arguing with me or with his love ones. To anyone else….not so much.

A few things about my husband. He’s a very old school man without the stereotypical and negative views/actions that you see in most “old school men”. He’s a cop, in SWAT actually. A man’s man. Very muscular, can be intimidating to others (not me), very blunt, doesn’t shy away from confrontation, and is very protective. At home though, he’s the biggest teddy bear. I always joke that no one on this earth knows how sweet and thoughtful he could be. I genuinely don’t think any of his friends or my friends would believe how much of a sweetheart he is.

To cut to the chase, last weekend we were at a bar with a few friends of mine (two other couples and another female friend). Everybody gets along well, and my friends adore my husband. They’ve always said they knew he was the one for me when they first saw us together.

We were sitting outside having a few drinks and having a good time. My husband only had one drink, since he doesn’t like to get intoxicated in public. Because of his profession, he conceal carries a firearm, and is always very aware of his surroundings. He always likes to be sober or relatively sober in public for safety reasons. Which I obviously respect.

While sitting down at a table and talking, a random woman was walking behind me and apparently stumbled, spilling a good amount of her drink on my back. I shot up out of surprise since the drink was ice cold. Before I was able to fully comprehend what was going on, the woman said “calm down it was an accident”. Confused, I said “excuses me”?

Woman: “You stood up like you’re going to do something”.
Me: “I stood up because the cold drink caught me by surprise. At the very least you can apologize”.
Woman: “I ain’t apologizing for shit, bitch”.

At this moment, my husband stood up calmly, and inserted himself in-between us saying “I know damn well you did not call my wife a bitch. You need to walk away”. The woman and my husband was cussing back a forth for a bit. Seeing that she was obviously drunk, I told my husband it was fine and to please sit down. As he started to move away from being in-between us to sit down, the woman sucker punched me. See even said “cunt” while doing so. Luckily she didn’t make full contact and only hit a bit of my forehead. But it was still shocking. Not even a second later, I just see my husband’s fist meet her mouth, leaving her unconsciouses on the ground. A man, presumably her boyfriend/husband, started coming aggressively toward my husband. Luckily they didn’t fight, but just both of them yelling back at forth for a bit. The other man was taller than my husband but was way less muscular, and I believe he got intimidated by him.

After a wild minute or two, my husband said that we needed to pay our tab and go. He was asking me over and over if I was alright. He asked if I needed ice, or needed to pick up over the counter medication. I said “no” and just wanted to go home. I really didn’t have any injuries, just a little sore.

I thought that would be the end of it. But two of my female friends who witness it call me the next day to talk about it. We started out replaying the incident, even laughing and joking about that crazy woman. But the conversation quickly turned to “your husband laid a hand on a woman”. I defended him, as I believe he did what any man should do, protect his wife. A person assaulted me. He defended me. That’s it. I thought that would be noble of all things. However, my friends have a different opinion. They both believe that since he was ok putting his hands on a woman, that eventually, he could potentially put hands on me. I don’t see it that way. I truly do not believe that he would ever lay a hand on me.

They even brought up the legal ramifications that can come of this. My friends said that he can still be charged with assault. And as a cop, would certainly not be good. I mentioned this part to my husband (not about their concerns on how he might be abusive towards me). He seemed confident when he explained that “ It is defense of a 3rd party. Criminal law doesn’t care about gender or sex. They care about who was the primary aggressor, and did you use reasonable force and not excessive force to stop the threat…which I did”. Which I believe because my husband is incredibly smart in our state’s law.

My husband tries his best to avoid violence at all cost. However, he has always said he would not hesitate to put hands on someone if they put hands on a woman he loves. It could be a man or a woman, it doesn’t matter. He had also mentioned before that he would never put a malicious hand on his wife, mother, sister, or even friends. However, someone he doesn’t know, they don’t have that privilege, especially if they assault his wife.

I can see how some people might not agree with his view. . And that’s completely fine. But I don’t see how this could lead down a physical abusive road. A person assaulted me and he defended me. This woman could have been a man and my husband would’ve done the exact same thing.

Good people of Reddit, what are your thoughts? How would you respond if you saw your friend’s husband assault another random woman but while protecting his wife? Am I just not seeing a red flag? Or are my friends overthinking and just looking out for me?

EDIT:
I feel like I need to make some clarifications that may or may not change people’s opinions on the matter.

1: I was not confrontational with the woman at all. I stood up quickly because ice cold liquid fell on my back and it scared me. I wasn’t aggressive or rude with the woman. I didn’t even have a chance to say anything before she started talking.

2: I see some people saying “he’s ok with assaulting a woman and not a man….”. My husband didn’t get physical with the man because the man didn’t get physical with him. He also understands that he was just protecting his woman as well, even in the heat of things.

3: One thing my husband mentioned about this incident is that he apologized for positioning himself to allow the woman to assault me to begin with. He says that he should’ve waited for the woman to leave before he stepped away from us. I do not put this blame on him. But he says that was a mistake he made that probably could’ve avoided this.

4: 10 minutes after we left he called his Sgt explaining the incident. This got pushed up to some higher ups and was sent to the ADA (Assistant District Attorney) for advice on whether to put him on leave or not. As of right now, no one called 911 and no one filed charges. But the ADA said this is “defense of the 3rd person” (like my husband said) and the other party has no case. So he’s good there.

5: He did not use 100% of his strength. I don’t even think he used 50%.

6: We live in the US. I know every state has their laws, but it’s legal here for an off-duty officer to carry a firearm (only if it’s concealed) inside a bar. As long as he’s under a certain alcohol limit, which I do not know what it is, it’s also fine for him to possess a firearm. My husband is very careful when it comes to stuff like this.