u/Dry-Outside-9461

Sorry I haven’t didn’t get back to much people yesterday as I was overwhelmed this is just an update

I’m going to call my neighbour ANN for the sake of the post

I spoke to my daughter in law this morning both her and Ann climbed the fence as they were worried about me, apparently Ann had being keeping an eye on me and when she hadn’t seen any
Movement in my house since yesterday she got worried.i asked dil why did she do it why did she humiliate me like that,

She said she has too much to drink and couldn’t stand hearing about how great of a person my LH was which caused her to snap, she apologised for her wording but not for exposing my ex as she was hated how people always portrayed me as the bad guy especially my own children.Dil told me she had brought it up to my youngest a few weeks prior but he was in denial as he father never even raised his voice at me, apparently now as my children talk amongst themselves with knowledge of the truth a lot of things look different especially with dil and Ann’s recollection of events.I told my dil I forgive her and thanked her for making me food as I hadn’t eaten in days she really is an amazing woman.

While dil was making me food myself and Ann had a conversation I told her she was out of line yesterday with her comments as I I’m a very bad place mentally. She apologised and also apologised for not to doing anything when she knew I was being abused we both had a conversation about it and now on good terms.

I had dil help me write a message to my children and sent it into our family group chat I’ll give the short version

“ I know everyone has questions but at this moment I’m not strong enough to give them face to face so I’ll try to explain myself until I can have a proper conversation with you all, I hid things and kept quiet because I wanted to keep this home your safe space something I never had growing up I always wanted you to see this house as your escape if you ever found yourself in a situation like mine , I’m sorry for how cold I’ve been over the years I’ve working on myself for over ten years so I can be the person I once was. Please don’t fight with each other or blame yourselves for anything This is on me for not speaking out and your father for his choices.

I’ve spoken to a professional I will be leaving today to go to a facility to get me some help as I want to be able to talk to you without shutting down. do not worry about me I’m in good hands, please understand I’m not abandoning you I just need the strength to face everything I love you take care of yourselves”

I spoke to my therapist and another mental health professional we agreed I need intense care as of right now and I’d be better off doing in care treatment as I’ve been having dark thoughts.

I want to thank everyone for their kind words and Adivce, I also want to say to the people who told me “get a therapist and fuck off reddit” even after I said I’ve been in therapy and on medication years
I came here yesterday because I was in a dark place and need something to stop me from making a decision I couldn’t take back, I needed to talk to people that will never know who I’m as a lot of my issues stem from shame. Therapy has helped but it’s doesn’t erase or cure what a person went/is through if you didn’t use it as buzzword you’d know that.

I also what to thank the people who’ve shared their stories I know how difficult it is to those of you who said I was terrible mother and I should have just divorced my LH, he was a terrible husband but a good father if I ever thought he hurt one of children I would be sitting in a prison cell for the rest of my life . As for divorce people always say “just leave” until they’re in that situation themselves
I had no education,job and 8 children with no where to go as LH kept me very isolated I didn’t have the internet ether as the abuse happened between 1981-2005 it only stopped because my LH became paralysed due to multiple strokes which my dil called karma,

when I have the conversation and I’m in a better place I will make another post but it won’t be for a very long time. Again thank you to everyone my daughter is helping me pack and get ready to go so I’ll try and answer so questions if any one has them

I haven’t slept in two days and I’ve been dealing with the fall out of secret i tried desperately to hide from my children so I apologise if this comes across messy

I need to give some background into who I am and why I’m this way- I used to be a very outgoing beautiful happy young woman until I married my late husband at 18 I thought he was my escape from abusive home life but he was worse I got punished for anything and everything especially talking or showing negative emotions. When I was in labour with my first child in 1983 I wasn’t allowed to make a scene aka normal screaming/crying and I was so afraid of him even tho he wasn’t even there I just hummed throughout the whole labour and delivery by my 8 child I was far gone I barley spoke or showed emotion I learnt to make myself invisible. I didn’t want my children to experience the home life I did so I’ve kept all this a secret I thought no one knew about the abuse. to a lot of people lives our would tell you he was a funny kind man who was friends with everyone where I was a stone faced that ignored everyone because I never spoke and kept to myself which my late husband loved as he kept isolated.

My late husband passed away in 2015 and his funeral was the first time I smiled in decades which caused a lot of issues with my children as I never let them see the monster he truly was, I’ve tried for the last ten years to rebuild myself I’ve made good progress I laugh,talk at a normal level,I start conversations even made friends.

Due to me being basically a robot and my late husband influence I have very strained relationships with children I’ve wanted to tell them for a few times but I’d be lying if I said I don’t still fear not being believed and ruining our relationships completely I thought I would take it to my grave .

I have a great relationship with my youngest sons wife she an amazing woman whom I’ve known since was a child as she was our next door neighbour. Sunday I was at her house for her birthday we were all drunk talking about old times at the lake when dil says to me “was that the night you LH broke your fingers or was it when he made you sleep in the bike shed honestly he beat your ass so much it’s hard to keep track weird how you used to stand there and didn’t even say anything why didn’t you ever scream for help” everyone was silent and first the time in years I broke down crying in front of people. There was questions and yelling all around me but i blanked it out and walked home.

I’ve ignored everyone for the last three days I won’t answer the door or phone I don’t want to talk about with them. my neighbour (dil mom) caught me while I was sitting in the garden she told me what I’ve done to my children is a cruel thing I need to give them answers and ignoring them is a asshole thing to do especially since everyone is divided and at each others throats I owe them answers

AITAH for ignoring them and not giving the answers?