I’m in a really complicated place with my sister and I don’t fully know how to move forward anymore. Our relationship has a lot of history behind it… past arguments, misunderstandings, and moments where things escalated more than they probably should have. Over time, it feels like none of that ever really got resolved, it just kind of built up into this quiet tension that still sits between us.
Now, even when things are “normal” on the surface, I don’t feel comfortable around her. It’s like there’s this emotional distance where I can sense irritation or resentment, even if nothing is being said directly. I find myself overthinking everything I do around her.. how I speak, how I act, whether I’m being annoying or unwanted, because I feel like I’m constantly being judged through the lens of everything that’s happened before.
There have been moments where I’ve tried to repair things in my own way by being kind, helping out, trying to keep the peace, but it often doesn’t feel received or acknowledged in a meaningful way. Instead, I end up feeling more invisible or like I’m just tolerated rather than genuinely accepted.
At this point, I don’t even know if she actually dislikes me or if we’ve just built up so much unresolved tension that it feels personal on both sides. Sometimes it feels like we’re both carrying old versions of each other that we never fully let go of.
What’s hardest is that I live with this feeling daily. It’s not just occasional conflict, it’s the atmosphere. I feel anxious in my own home, like I have to be careful with every interaction. And then I also question myself constantly, wondering if I’m the one escalating things internally or if I’m just reacting to how I’m being treated.
I don’t want to keep living in this dynamic where I feel small or on edge in my own family, but I also don’t know how to fix something that feels so emotionally stuck. Part of me wonders if we can ever rebuild a healthier relationship, or if the healthiest thing might just be emotional distance and acceptance that we don’t see each other the same way anymore.
I’m honestly just looking for perspective from someone outside of it, because I feel stuck between wanting things to be better and not knowing if they realistically can be.
She honestly makes me feel so bad about myself to where I’ve even cried at work because of how she makes me feel or how her kids treat me as well. I’ve even cried to sleep tbh. At this point I’d like to run away and just be free but ofc it’s hella hard with this economy. I don’t know. I have communicated countless times to her on how she and the kids make me feel and it’s always a “ why do you feel that way?” Or a “ you shouldn’t feel that way, you should never let anyone, anyoneee, dim your light “ yet I feel that way from all the whispers they do, the looks she gives me when I pass by to grab food, her indirect comments.. Did you know sometimes I don’t even eat bc I’m so uncomfortable by even stepping foot outside my room.
Should I move away? I know it’s hard, especially money wise. I don’t know and I don’t deserve to cry every damn day.