u/Dry-End-2978 — reddlx

For starters, please don’t just hate on me in the comments! I posted on r/ confessions and mainly got hate… but onto what this post is about. I’m a f(19) and bisexual so I know how broad sexuality and gender can be but I have no one to talk to about this. I’m a mentally very sexual person (I imagine/ watch/ read sex all the time and enjoy it) but I’m not that physically of one. However every time I do think or read or watch something sexual I imagine myself as the guy. In my head I’m fully a guy and sometimes even dress as one but I also don’t feel trans or have that urge to transition, I just fully believe I should’ve been born a guy. There’s not much to this I just needed to vent like what this is for, thanks you 🙏🏻

(I titled it wrong and it won’t let me change it, it’s nine years not six) To start it off I’m currently a 19 year old female, and this started when I was 10 (4th grade). I just moved eight hours away from the town I was raised in and was already self conscious so I wanted to stand out a little (I also was a kinda bad pathological lier but not anymore). I didn’t enjoy peanut butter so I started telling people I was allergic so they didn’t make me eat it at lunch, obviously people were confused why I was just ‘allergic to peanut butter’ and not peanuts in a whole so I lied even more and started telling people I was allergic to peanuts in general. This caused a lot that little ten year old me didn’t expect. I didn’t realize that no one in my school had one already (small school) so they changed all peanut butter to ‘sun butter’ just for me… For about two years I didn’t see anything wrong with it until 6th grade, we were doing state testing and as a snack the school gave out granola bars. Me being young I didn’t see a problem but my teacher pulled me aside and said “I don’t know if there’s peanuts in these so I bought you a chocolate bar myself so you didn’t feel left out.” That’s when the guilt started eating at me. However for almost another two years (8th grade) I still kept the truth to myself until a game of truth and dare, now five years later I realize there were so many better ways to confess this but at the time I thought it was perfect. Someone gave me the truth of “what’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?” so I came clean, about the fake allergy. I thought it would spread like wild fire but obviously to other people that wasn’t ’that big of a deal’ so my friends were just shocked but didn’t really bring it up. At that point I was slowly coming clean with different situations. In 10th grade on the first day we did the common ice breaker of two truths and one lie, i decided to come clean in a big chunk now and used ‘peanut allergy’ as my lie. I was still telling my classmates about by lie even during graduation. I still feel guilty to this day and feel horrible to anyone who actually has a peanut allergy. (Please stop being mean to me, I thought this was a safe space and have only gotten hate. I’m new to this app, thanks)