I’m 27F and I have a 3-month-old baby boy. My husband is 35M. He’s from the UK and I’m from Mexico, and he’s been living here for about four years. We met almost three years ago and broke up a few times. This last time, after we broke up, we got back together and it felt serious—we even lived together and were actively working on our relationship.
Everything changed when I got pregnant. Even though we had talked about having a family and kids, he didn’t actually want the baby and I went to live at my mom's house. For the first two months of my pregnancy, he barely spoke to me at all. After that, he came back around and asked me to get married, and we did. We got married so he could get residency in Mexico, and now I feel like that may have been the main reason.
We never lived together full-time, I would just stay with him sometimes because we agreed not living together since it went really bad in the past. A month and a half postpartum, something happened that changed everything. We had agreed to spend some time together at his house with our baby, he was doing housework and asked me to keep the windows open, but I closed them because my baby was cold. He got very angry. When I noticed, I went to ask what was wrong, and he started telling me “get the fuck out of my face” over and over. I kept asking what I did wrong, and he just kept telling me to leave him alone. I got scared and left with my baby to my mom's house.
I told him that he scared me, but since then he barely speaks to me. When we do talk, he says I “disrespected his house” and that I was acting crazy for closing the windows. I’ve tried to talk about that night, but it’s been months and I haven’t been able to have a real conversation with him. He either says he’s busy or avoids it. Last time I asked if we could talk about it he told me he was busy because had to cook dinner for a girl he just met and was coming to his house. Immediately after that I asked him if we were together still to what he said "currently no".
I was still hoping he would apologize, but instead he fully blames me. The few conversations we’ve had, he yells at me, even on the phone, for no real reason. Now every time we interact, he explodes over anything. He also says he’s not scary at all and that I’m lying, which makes me doubt my own reality.
Our baby is now three months old. He was only present consistently for the first two weeks (he would visit at my mom's house), and after that he started coming drunk. He barely knows his baby, his routine or what he likes. There’s basically no communication—sometimes he asks how we are, but that’s it. Yet he tells everyone he’s a father and even brags about it.
I’ve been raising my baby mostly on my own, with help from my mom. I work, I take my baby to daycare, pick him up, take him to doctor’s appointments, and I exclusively feed him breast milk. Meanwhile, he doesn’t work. I worked until the last weeks of my pregnancy and went back to work after.
He blames me for everything and has even told me I’m a bad mother. On top of that, he’s been talking badly about me to my family and my best friends, telling them I stole things and trying to create a bad image of me.
I have started the process of filing for divorce and he doesn’t know yet. I am asking for full custody and child support, which I hope I get, but I know that will not bring me peace of mind. I don’t understand how someone who said he loved me so much could leave me at the most vulnerable time of my life and then blame me for everything.
All I have done is take care of us, of him, of my baby, and of our relationship. I have worked, tried to grow, and tried to be better. I feel very, very sad. I dream about him every day and have nightmares about him calling me names.
I feel very sad. I keep replaying everything in my head, thinking about what I did wrong and how I could have done better. Meanwhile, he seems completely fine, living his life as if nothing happened. I am the one crying every night, questioning myself and doubting my own reality while taking care of my baby. I don’t understand how he could leave me at the most vulnerable time of my life.
I know there is nothing I can do to fix this relationship, and I don’t want to fix it anymore. He has been cruel and hurtful. I don’t know if he is a narcissist or if this is just who he really is, but I am trying to understand how someone can change like this. If anyone has been through something similar or has any insight or kind words, I would really appreciate it.