u/Dry-Bedroom-89

There's this one ENTJ that I kinda like. I am literally logically choosing him, and emotionally I really really like him.

I'm an ENFP. I know this might not be your favourite mbti to deal with, but we both match intellectually, and emotionally we introduce new horizons to each other (or at least, I introduce new emotional horizons to him and explain his own horizons for him, lol).

Are there any ways I can test if he actually likes me without directly asking? Or ways to ask about his type and stuff without giving away anything?

Ik this is an almost impossible thing to do with intelligent intuitive people, but... I thought some of you can have an answer.

I'm a 24F ENFP 4w5. Me and this 29M ENTJ have been talking for some time. I think I'm at a stage in my life where I'm not taking the first step or acknowledging feelings unless the other person makes a clear declaration that they have feelings for me. This is a decision that stemmed from years of easy attraction to multiple people who weren't necessarily interested romantically, simply because the "possibility" and the "potential" of us was fascinating (regular immature ENFP delulu).

Before you read about me and him, I need you to know I recently discovered I have disorganised attachment, and it's been showing quite often when it comes to this particular man. I'm self aware enough to spot most of its signs, but ofc... Idk if I'm spotting everything. I just know that more signs will show as I tell you about him, now.

A little about him: He's actually a fairly healthy ENTJ. He's very respectful to boundaries. He never gets overbearing or even remotely controlling. I know he's bad at managing his feelings or understanding some parts of himself, though I know he'd beg to differ. He still has some type of ego there. He always asks me questions to understand me emotionally. He doesn't always understand that, for instance, I have a hard time managing my self doubts and soemtimes they get too loud I have to withdraw to hearyself better, but it's not that he refuses to understand them - on the contrary, he actually asks to try to understand. (I haven't been able to explain that point well enough to him, tho)

He says, and I quote "How can someone so smart not be able to solve a problem so easy, or doubt themselves like that."

A little about me: You probably can see enough by now. I'm a classic 4w5 and also a classic ENFP. I am genuinely unsure if he sees me as a project of some sort - a prototype that can help him understand others who are less intelligent and less self aware therefore can't help him understand some things regarding feelings and complicated inner worlds - or if he's kinda interested and can see the potential of us.

The firat possibility totally freaks me out, because I know if I get completely vulnerable with him, it's easy for me to depend on him and want him to be a part of my life romantically. So, I say the stupidest things if our talks get too vulnerable for me. Like, I talk about guys I knew before (an ex or an old crush). I just randomly bring them up (Ik he's a jealous person, though he's def self confident). Sometimes I just yell "cringe" randomly, so he feels like I'm not taking him seriously. And the problem is that I'm actually taking him seriously. I just don't like the risks following that.

We had an argument once where we were talking about something serious, and I got sarcastic, and he took that as a form of disrespect. His reaction def made me that he's unsafe. After that, when we talked about it, he said in the most vulnerable unsure voice "I didn't mean to hurt you".

I know I see him in a way he, himself, is unable to. Like, for instance, I helped him find out what his actual enneagram is after he lost hope in ever finding out. He said before that he's "playful and softer with me and he's not like that with other people", to which I responded with "that's just the enfp charm, my boy". He also said that I make him more random than he'd prefer. He also says that many other people would say he's tough, but I think he knows I'd describe as a softie with an ego, though.

A very important point is we match each others INTELLECTUALLY, though I don't know about emotionally.

Listen... I won't say I have feelings for him. But I'm gonna say I'm holding myself back from that, and that I can't ignore the potential of us. And idk if he's thought of that, too or if he's thinking of it more objectively, like "what it would be like to date someone like me" not "what it would be like to date me". I also am unable to ignore the possibility that I'm simply a project, knowing this makes me push him away every time we're both vulnerable. I am unable to ignore that he has the capability to force me into matching his pace if we're ever together.

So? ENFP's, ENTJ's, other people... Tell me what you think. I could use your inputs and tips.