I'm sick of getting worse despite trying to get better
It's like one step forward and then falling backwards into a pit. I'll have a good day, and the next I'm having to leave work because I started crying for no reason and panicking. Broke my metal water bottle and a wood tray over my head when I got home.
I called my mom (happy mother's day, it's your fucked up son) and she came over and talked with me. I really appreciated it and I feel better than I did because of her, but I wish she just didn't have to deal with me at all.
I can't keep leaving work or calling in like this, so I'm likely going to have to go down to part time, which means way less money and almost a guarantee that I lose my house and relationship. But I also feel like I'm in physical pain from how fucking loud and fast my thoughts are going while I'm at work. My meds don't seem to do shit when I'm working, but they work great otherwise.
I don't need anyone to help me solve this or anything, just really wanted to type out an angsty post because I feel absolutely hopeless. Thanks.