Hey all,
My story is a little different than most.. and I have never really talked about it until recently with my therapist and am now realizing I was SA’d…
I am 24 years old now. and back when I was 18 I had what I would say was the worst day of my life.
Me, my ex girlfriend and a couple others all took acid (lsd) that night.. I remember her (my ex) specifically telling me she wanted to have sex while tripping.. This was fine at the time before we took the dose. I thought it was a fun idea..
Fast foward a few hours into the trip… I took a dab of wax and had a very, very intense “ego death”. Completely lost all understanding of myself and it was as if I was seeing life for the first time again. It was insane, and I was not in control at all.
This upset my ex because I was supposed to stay good enough for the bedroom that night.
Well an hour or so passed and I was still completely gone, lost, and just fucked up. but she didnt care, she was adamant about having sex.
I tried not to but that did not matter, and she tried everything to get me going. Lights off, most insane visuals of my life. and she made me use my fingers cause I couldnt “get it up..”
It was terrible.. I remember afterwards she fell asleep and I had to just lay there for hours in the dark alone.
Through the years after, I was never the same. I was numb, lost, memories faded and I just went blank. My memories are gone, the old me is gone. I hate it.
I never truly believed it was SA. I just thought it was my fault for getting to messed up. (Still trying to realize it wasnt my fault and to get over the embarrassment)
anyways. this took alot to write and post. I know its not as serious of most peoples stories. But any advice for coping and healing would be grateful.
Thanks ❤️