The voice in my head finally took control...
I'm not crazy. Everyone hears things sometimes, right?
You know.. that voice in your head.
I was brushing my teeth when I heard, “You could do it now.”
Normally, I could ignore it, but the voice was getting clearer.
Not louder... closer.
This was the first time in a while since it said something I understood.
The voice didn’t talk constantly. That would’ve been easier, I think.
Instead… it waited. It picked moments.
Like when my mom knocked on my door.
“She trusts you.”
Or when my dad laughed at something on TV downstairs.
“He wouldn’t see it coming.”
Trying to be rational, I googled symptoms at 3:12 AM.
Auditory hallucinations.
Intrusive thoughts.
Early onset something…
I couldn’t even finish reading half of it. I told myself it was just stress.
Then…
“You’re trying to prove I’m not here.”
I dropped my phone. What’s going on?
I panicked, quickly writing three notes to myself on paper:
THIS ISN’T REAL.
YOU ARE IN CONTROL.
DO NOT LISTEN!!
I taped them to my wall, staring at them until I finally fell asleep.
By the next morning, I woke up and noticed one was missing.
I found it... neatly folded, and placed on my desk.
Confused, I opened it and noticed the original message scribbled over.
And written in my handwriting, pressed even harder into the paper, it said:
BUT YOU ARE LISTENING!!!
I stopped sleeping entirely after that...
four days now.
It seemed like every time I closed my eyes, I’d see things.
Not dreams… flashing images.
Dad…
The hallway…
Mom in the kitchen…
The layout of the living room…
Like my brain was rehearsing something. Planning.
“Hun, you feeling okay?” my mom asked.
Her voice snapping me back to my senses.
“It’s been days… you need to eat something.”
I quickly ran over to the door, making sure it was locked.
“Mom, I’m fine. Just leave me alone... please.”
“Son, I’m worried about you.”
Silence… until I heard footsteps fading in the distance.
My mind is playing tricks on me. I can’t even trust myself right now.
I reacted, doing the only thing that made sense in the moment.
I barricaded myself in my room, pushing furniture in front of my door.
My desk.
My dresser.
Anything heavy.
Then, in the blink of an eye, I realized I was just standing there...
Desk and dresser pushed aside.
Door cracked open… my hand gripping the doorknob.
What the fuck?!
The voice spoke to me, calm and patient.
“See… you want this.”
“No,” I said out loud. “I don’t!”
It laughed.
Not a sound… a feeling.
Like something inside my head smiling.
“Then why did you open the door?”
I didn’t know what to say.
“You could end this.”
“You could make it stop.”
“One moment. That’s all it takes.”
Next thing I know, I’m realizing that I’m waking up on my bedroom floor…
Wait a second… what just happened?
I immediately grabbed my phone.
The screen lit up... 5:47 AM.
This can’t be real.
I looked around my room.
My door was now wide open.
I was confused… scrambling to remember my actions.
Then…
“You don’t remember a lot of things.”
I flinched, hands flying to my ears.
“Stop!”
It didn’t stop.
“Go downstairs.”
My eyes drifted to the hallway.
“No… I don’t want to. I’m staying here.”
But my legs were already moving... one step after the other.
“Mom… Dad?” I nervously called out into the silence.
No answer.
Something crunched under my foot.
I looked down… stepping over shattered glass.
“I didn’t break this,” I whispered.
My heart was pounding even harder now, as I stood in the kitchen.
Chairs out of place… the table flipped…
“Mom?” I tried again, my voice cracking.
I took one more step, and my brain…
It just… stopped.
My chest tightened.
My vision blurred.
“No…” I said, shaking my head.
“I didn’t… I wouldn’t.”
The thought came instantly.
Calm. Certain.
“You did.”
I stumbled back as something flickered in my mind... fragments of a memory.
Slipping away, like trying to hold onto a dream after you wake up.
I could see myself standing in front of my mom.
“Hey… are you okay?” she asked.
I hear something fall, then a chair scraping violently across the floor.
Her voice again...
“Stop! What are you—”
A quick flash.
This time, my dad.
I’m up close to him.
He yells, “Hey... HEY!”
My hands clenched tightly around his neck.
Then… time skips again.
Now I’m back in the kitchen.
I’m just… standing there.
Breathing calmly.
I feel a sense of relief.
Clarity.
Looking down at my hands, I say “It’s done.”
Now I’m here in the present, full of regret…
My parents on the kitchen floor, lifeless.
My knees hit the floor.
“No… how could I do this?” I cried out.
I hear a response.
“You stopped taking the pills… you made room for me.”
“You didn’t do this.”
Something inside me shifts, and the words come out loud before I can stop them...
“I DID!”