u/Dramatic-Carob-4931

I'm in a weird place, not good but also not bad. It's a very confusing place to be and I don't think I've felt this this before, or at least for several years.

I'm due to see my psychiatrist next month, but my last 2 clinic letters have been full of lies like documenting conversations that never happened (these are the only letters I have ever received). I'm tempted to cut all contact with the mental health team, but I'm worried that i might regret it. On the other hand, I also feel like I can't go to the appointment without worrying the same will happen.

I've been told I can write a letter of correction, but all that will do is be added to my notes, the document from him will not be altered. I feel like I need him to accept and admit to what he has done in order for me to carry on.

I'm grateful for any and all advice .

I'm pretty clueless about benefits really. Since I applied for universal credit I have received £49 per month. I had to stop working in 2024 due to my health. I receive ESA and have a bit of savings which I told them about. My savings have lessened as the ESA and £49 doesn't cover my bills etc. But I haven't disclosed the reduction in savings. This month I received around £430 in universal credit and I have no clue why it's increased. Can anyone advise please?

Just to start, I want to say I'm a bit better now and am no way in any danger.

Last week I had a horrific time, there's a lot of it I don't even remember. I was convinced I was going to end things and I absolutely hated everyone to the point I wanted the whole entire human race to be eradicated from earth. Everything was either so dark or just a blur and I couldn't get a hold of the spiralling thoughts that didn't even make any sense. That's just the stuff I remember. Anyway, I spoke to the mental health team and they were appalling, and really couldn't care less if I ended things. This is a recurrent thing with mental health where I am, and every time I feel like they actually want me to end things. So then I'm like f you, I'm not going to do it. Although I think that, I'm still not sure as when the impulsive stuff starts then it's hard to have any control. But at the same time I'm not going to let them get what they want.

So for a long time, I feel like I'm still alive out of spite and nothing else. Just wondering if anyone else feels like this.

My mental health has been declining over the past couple of weeks and has got really bad in the last few days. I spoke to a junior doctor iny mental health team who advised a face to face assessment in the hospital which is an hour away if you have transport which I don't. I am also diagnosed with agoraphobia and I have real difficulty around people. So all of that meant I couldn't go to a face to face appointment so I was left with nothing, no help at all. This escalated yesterday and emergency services were involved. They got out of hours psychiatry to phone me and the nurse said "well what do you want me to do about it?" I was in a mess, and had no idea what to say. So once again I was left with nothing and my own team won't speak to me.