u/Drag0nGirly

I feel like im reaching my wits end with this.. ive tried to tell him that perhaps we need couples therapy cause im lost on what to do. A side note: im in weekly therapy and have been for 8 months to try to figure out how to help our relationship - he is not in solo therapy cause he feels he has nothing to improve on. Everytime I try to implement what my therapist suggests to improve these issues, it goes in one ear and out the other - we have so many issues but these ones drive me absolutely insane. Here is the TL;DR if you dont want to read everything.

TL;DR This happens every single day, if we do anything I want to do like watch something I want to watch or play something I want to play he just doesnt care, he'll just zone out. For example I wanted to play Halo with him. I had to literally beg cause he hates story games but I always play what he prefers and pay attention so I thought it only fair, finally when he agreed after getting upset he started to play but only goofed off and talked over every game cutscene or just fell asleep. I told him it would mean a lot if hed pay attention like I do to things he shows me but no.. of course he didnt.. same thing with game of thrones. Ive tried showing it to him cause I watch everything he shows me and I pay a lot of attention but with game of thrones its like hes just staring at the screen but absorbing nothing, he'll every 4 minutes look over at me and go "who is that, where are we now, I dont understand" then proceed to fall asleep or just ramble about something completely unrelated to where I have to keep pausing it. Dont get me started on the every 20 minutes "do you know where my water is? Do you know where the milk is? Do you know where the blanket is?" Or the constant needing me to show him everything. "How do I open this? How do I take this medicine? How do I use the windex?" I just need to know why this is happening? Like why wont he pay attention? Why wont he just read the directions or use his eyes?

Anyways.. my fiance is 28 and for the last 27 years of his life hes lived with his single mother and essentially got spoiled. He never had to think for himself, she cleaned his room, did his laundry, did his hair, picked out his clothes, set up his interviews and jobs and essentially just worte his agenda and script for him and he was complacent with it. When his mom said to jump, he asked how high. I finally got him to move out and move in with me, hoping that being away from her would get him to realize its nice to do things on your own and for yourself...boy was I wrong.

Here's just some day to day things he does: "Hey babe where's the lotion" I'll ask him if he bothered to even look cause if he did he would've seen it right infront of him. He says no, it'll take him too long to find it. I asked him to try for once and he threw a temper tantrum and said "why cant you just help you dont need to have a stick up your ass all the time." I gave (even tho I was trying to finish something very important that had a time limit.) I knew if I didnt it would cause him to be a jerk all day. I showed him that the lotion was literally the only thing on the bathroom counter and he laughed and went "oh haha that was easy." Like yeah no shit..

Last week I asked him if he could clean the living room windows. Obviously he huffed about it cause he just wanted to sleep and play games but he gave in. He walked to the window and just stared at it and said "I dont know how" i did my best to keep my cool cause he does this everytime I ask him to do pretty much anything. I asked him how he thinks he should do it, he said "Uh I just rub it with a towel?" Even tho hes seen me do it a thousand times. I went and grabbed him some paper towels and windex and he just stared at the bottle as said "well idk how to use this." I started getting a little irritated and I said "well if you really dont know how there are instructions, but I think its self explanatory." He got upset, threw the bottle down and said "you could just not be a ***** and show me, why do you have to ruin everyday." He stormed off, I ended up cleaning them and later he came back and said "oh so I spray the window then just wipe?" Not even a im sorry and might I add next week when I asked him to clean them he had already forgotten.

I have thousands of examples about this.. but the one that made me post today:

I turned on game of thrones to show it to him cause we almost never do what I want. If its something i want I typically have to do it on my own even tho I always try to show him in interested in the things that make him happy. (Why can't he do the same for me?) I start playing it and literally every minute. Who is she? Why are they doing this? Where is winter fell? Hes married to her? I will answer the questions then after 10 minutes: "who is she? Are they married?" I ended up giving up cause he couldnt remember 5% of anything happening which happens anytime I show him a movie or show. His response to me being hurt by it cause I told him it doesnt even feel like hes trying like ive never met anyone with this bad of memory recall he says "just cause you show interest and pay attention to things I show you doesnt mean I need to do the same."

Also yesterday when I sent him to the grocery store. Wrote a list with the item name, aisle numbers, price and image of the item. He had to call me every other item to ask me where the item was and what it looked like. I got upset, told him if he just used the in depth list I made him he wouldnt have to ask - i also told him if he doesnt know to ask an employee, he said he shouldn't have to i should just tell him.

Idk what to do anymore.. is there a way to change this behavior? At this point it really just feels like a lack of care.. I feel like he expects me to mom him and hold his hand but I dont feel thats my responsibility. I think hes 28 and a grown man and that this behavior isnt ok.. but then he and his mom make me feel like im the asshole for thinking its immature of him to need everything spoon fed to him.. what do you think? Any advice?