Accepting that I will have nothing
I posted before and things have gotten worse. I had planned on being a nurse after I got my two special needs kids into high school.
I started taking my pre-requsites has they went off to college. I got laid off in the middle of school but was confident I could succeed.
I didn't do well enough to get into nursing school. I was on medication and had accomodations and still didn't do well enough.
Now am having perimenopause symptoms. I don't have insurance so I just have to deal with the mood swings and brain fog.
Unemployed, undereducated, 50, single mom with ADHD with two kids in college.
I looked at myself in the mirror today and started crying because what I have now IS IT. My tiny apartment, my car, no job and no savings. I door dash and it's enough to keep the lights on.
There's no career I can have with my two conditions that will pull out of poverty. Not at the age I'm at. I didn't notice life was passing me by. I was just working and providing after my husband left.
We were homeless and I got us stable. Took 10 years! The kids needs were too much for him.
I am learning to sit in the disappointment that I am one of the people life didn't work out for. The ADHD, the dyscalculia life has always been hard for me but I always had hope.
I don't have hope anymore. I'll be 50 next month. I can't even pass the assessments to work for a temp company.
This isn't about working it's that it's too late to turn it around. I wish I had gotten diagnosed earlier in life. Maybe, I would've made better decisions or been able to study and get my degree.
The trajectory of my life is fixed now. It's all downhill from here.
Thanks for listening. I don't have any friends.