M28 NYC. I may end up deleting this since too many people know my Reddit, but whatever I need to vent. It appears I’m getting ghosted right now and I just don’t get it. I don’t know why. Had a really great date on Sunday with tons in common and lots of chemistry. She ended up inviting me over and I slept there (We did not have sex). She held my hand the entire night, was super sweet. She seemed extremely into me. She kept complimenting me physically and was talking about how she couldn’t believe how much we have in common. The next morning we agreed that we should do this again and make arrangements and plan a day to hangout.
Later in the afternoon around 3pm I text her to solidify plans. No response, radio silence. I don’t get it. I genuinely do not understand how people can be so intensely affectionate and intimate and then as soon as the date is over it’s like they don’t give a fuck. I guess she could still respond but it is looking grim.
I don’t know why this is affecting me so much, but it seems to always be the same song and dance for me. My brain will just be like “we like this one” and I immediately become obsessively into them. When that happens it is always extremely early into meeting them, I’m talking first date and it feels like there is not a damn thing I can do about it. In fact if this does not happen, I end up just being painfully uninterested.
Even if things could be going well, the constant feeling of this person having complete control over my mental health for next month is brutal. Waiting on text responses, thinking “am I going to get ghosted?” Feeling jealous, circular thinking, fear of loss, constant what ifs, wanting to see them all the time etc. this behavior alone can often cause me to self sabotage.
This is the second girl that I’ve felt this way about this year already in 2026 and it is the only way I connect with people on an intimate level. The first one fucked me up hard. Affected my work, diet, sleep, hobbies etc. person constantly on my mind and impossible to distract myself. Impossible to sleep where every time I close my eyes I’m playing out scenarios where if I did something a little differently maybe this wouldn’t have happened. It makes me want to scream.
It would appear the same chain of events are happening with this girl now, except this time it somehow feels even worse. I cannot stop the circular thinking and obsession. I’m once again not eating, not sleeping, not gyming etc.
I can’t fucking do this shit anymore. Dating is completely destroying my mental health. It makes me bitter to it and it makes me feel incredibly insecure when I do feel chemistry with someone because the eventual ghosting or drifting away seem almost inevitable. How can I be optimistic about dating when this seems to be the norm. Every time this happens it just validates my anxiety and makes me even more insecure and anxious for the next person. Is this just a more common thing in NYC? Is this just the result of dating apps making so many options available? I fucking hate this shit.