u/Dograpsbball

Trigger warning, Vomit, Abuse.

I (19NB) have a very rocky relationship with my dad/sperm donor(44M). There’s going to be a lot to say with this, so I’ll try and lay out as many clarifying details as I can before I dive too deep into this. I have a lot of neurodivergences, specifically Autism, anxiety, likely some ADHD, depression, dysgraphia, and likely some dyslexia as well. But the biggest one, is that I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD from a licensed therapist.

I’ll be jumping around memories during this, to try and explain why I want to cut my dad off from me after I move out. Let’s start with some more common things that happened basically all the time. Some common phrases he used to say were “Don’t say ow when I haven’t hurt you”, "A's are average, B's are do Better, C's are a Crisis, D's mean you're disowned, and F's are five feet under", and "I don't know isn't an acceptable answer, try again." Say probably isn't the right answer though. He's more specifically screams them, having the volumes of his voice being booming scream, scream, and stage whisper.

Another common thing that used to happen is that he would force me to eat my vegetables. I know after reading that sentence you're tempted to just move on, but please, stay with me. He would force me to eat my veggies, and then berate me for throwing up afterwards. He was always trying to force me into trying new foods, and then always berate me for throwing up whenever I did.

Yet another common thing he would do is throw me when he got angry with me, or would grip me tightly and drag me around, and do other physical manipulations of my body. He claims to have always thrown me into soft places, however he has definitely, on at least one occasion, thrown me into a hard section of a sofa.

The only long memory I can currently remember is probably one of the worst ones, so be prepared for that. This story happens at NASA, specifically at the NASA playground. I don't know what it's like at the time you're reading this (or listening to this if this ends up on a YouTube video or podcast, which if it is there I would appreciate a link) so allow me to explain what it was like at the time. There was a second story that contained basically all of the fun stuff. A slide back down to the second story, a place to control the remote controlled rovers on the first story as if you were controlling a Mars rover, even a shuttle takeoff simulator, that was engineered to be kid friendly. There were two ways of going up, a staircase and an elevator. Being a kid in a high tech place like NASA, I thought that taking the elevator made more sense. However, my sperm donor disagreed, and grabbed me one of the times that I came back down the slide. He grabbed my arm and told me "Don't use the elevator again. If you use the elevator again, I'll break both of your legs so that you can only use the elevator in a wheelchair." This happened before the 6th grade, but I cant remember the exact date.

The last thing I'll bring up before wrapping this up is how it affected me interacting with others. Anytime one of my friend's dads would walk into the room where all of us were hanging out, the first thing that would come out of my mouth is an apology, even if we weren't doing anything wrong, even in my teenage years. I'm terrified of loud noises and yelling, and I get really mad whenever I'm bad at something, which I'm nervous could be from constantly being pushed to be the best and that nothing else would be accepted.

Thing is, after 10th grade, he's been, a lot nicer. I don't know what caused him to change, but something clearly did. He's going to anger management, he's been a lot nicer, and while he is now, I can't separate what he used to do to me though, with who he is now. I'm genuinely thinking of cutting him off and going no contact once I finally leave his house. So, reddit, WIBTAH if I did cut him out completely once I leave?