u/Doggosrthebest24

I have cataplexy like 5+ times a day depending on how emotional I am obviously. Sometimes it’s over 20. If I keep laughing my head will drop and I’ll fall so much, sometimes out of chairs and stuff. When I’m angry I drop stuff. When I’m stressed/upset I fall or my head drops. It really only last a few seconds and it doesn’t affect my life too severely. It’s just something “unique” about me ig. My friends are very supportive tho and will tell me to sit down or lean on things if I’m really upset or laughing a lot. I just feel like most people here who have cataplexy have very mild cataplexy, that happens infrequently and not super obvious

Of course this shit is ruining my life, which is otherwise going well and ofc it will eventually kill me if I continue. But I still feel like life isn’t worth living without it. I’ve been working on reducing and keeping some meals down, but I’m still purging everyday around 1-2 times a day, but my binges have gone down. I know this will eventually kill me, but I don’t really care and I don’t want to live without this and I don’t know if I ever will

Whenever I have a crush/like someone I have such an urge to try and take care of them. Like I want to feed him and make sure he sleeps and eats enough and is taken care of. I feel like this is such a stereotypical woman gender role thing, esp. cus I’m only in love with men so much older than me. Do men also feel this way? Or is it more that they went to provide? I feel lowkey kind of sexist feeling like this, but something ig there’s some truth to gender roles, maybe it’s just social conditioning tho.

I think one of the thing that scares me most about recovery is the fact that I have to give up b/p and I’m just not ready to do that. Yes, it’s pretty much the cause of all the problems in my life rn, but I also don’t feel like life is worth living without it and it’s my best and favorite way to cope. However, I can still be bulimic without wasting 4-7 hours a day b/p. I didn’t purge today and only purged once yesterday and didn’t purge the day before it. And I haven’t binged in three days. I don’t have to get better and I don’t have to give up purging, but I can make it more manageable. That’s just where I am now

I finally ate a normal meal and didn’t purge. I was so exhausted and fell asleep. I had a massive binge in my dream, taking food from random things and just eating so much. Maybe the solution is just getting my b/p urges out in my dream 😭 this is a weird illness