I’ve (M 30) recently developed feelings for a guy (M37) who is married and in an open relationship, and I’m really struggling to understand what’s going on and how to navigate it.
When we first started seeing each other, things were both physical and emotional, and I genuinely felt okay with that. I don’t want him to leave his husband, and I’m not looking to be someone’s primary partner. I was under the impression that their relationship was more on the poly side, where there was space for both emotional and physical connections outside the marriage, and that’s how I approached things.
He also does have sex with other people outside of his marriage, which is part of why this shift has been confusing for me.
Recently, though, things changed. He told me that because his feelings for me have gotten stronger, he doesn’t think we should continue being physical because it would make things more emotionally complicated than what he can realistically offer. He’s reassured me that he is still very physically attracted to me, and that this isn’t about lack of desire, but more about trying to avoid deepening things in a way that could create problems for him.
At the same time, he’s told me he really likes me, doesn’t want to lose me, and wants to keep getting to know me and building a connection.
What’s been making this even harder is that it now feels like the only way we can really spend time together is in group settings or around other people, almost like things have to be more “supervised,” which feels like a big shift from how things started.
I’m struggling because part of me feels like I was genuinely okay with how things were before, and now it feels like I’m being pulled into something that is emotionally deeper but also more restricted. It’s hard not to feel confused when there’s still clear attraction and emotional intensity, but physical intimacy is being limited specifically with me, even though it exists elsewhere in his life.
I do care about him and want him in my life, and I’m okay with non-traditional relationship structures, but I’m starting to question whether this kind of emotionally intense but limited dynamic is actually sustainable for me.