Trying not to break
Kinda at my wits end. I know my emotions are just bigger then life right now. I'm struggling with how exactly to process them.
My dog suffered an accident when I wasn't around. She is now paralyzed on one side of her body. I fear the worst might be necessary.
I reached out to everyone I knew. Everyone seems to want to keep us at arms length, knowing that my emotions can be unstable. Fair... but painful. As a result even genuine empathy seems hollow and fake. People seem wry and cynical.
But i know it's my emotions and paranoia telling me that. How could anyone not care about an innocent animal in an unfortunate situation?
I've always tried to be a good person and a present friend. But the way people treat us... it makes me wonder if I've ever even succeeded at any of it. It almost feels like people think I'm shallow and uncaring. I know I'm not good at subtext or reading between the lines.
I've wondered if im cursed... that i somehow still never fully grasp the proper way to be a human and demonstrate how much I care for the people closest to me. Maybe it's best that they do keep me at arms length. Maybe I'm the reason for the pain.
I watch others suffer and don't know how to fix it. I just want to make people stop hurting. But everyone around me is in so much pain. And now I can't even save my dog.
How do I keep hope alive in my heart? It seems so distant.