u/DoctorForsaken5563

When my parents split my brother ended up fully on my dad's side and stopped speaking to my mum completely, and the reason he feels the way he does is because he was told that my mum had an emotional affair and that was what ended the marriage. As far as he knows she is entirely responsible for the family falling apart and my dad is the person who got hurt.

What my brother does not know is that my dad was physically cheating before any of that happened. I only know because I was home one day and heard it, and my dad has no idea I know. My mum found out about it and her emotional affair came after that, but none of that context ever made it to my brother.

What makes it worse is that my dad is the one who has been keeping my brother angry at my mum, telling him she destroyed the family while leaving out the part where he was sleeping with someone else in the house while she was home.

I have stayed quiet because my parents are still going through divorce proceedings and my mum is worried that bringing this up could affect things financially for her. But watching my brother refuse to speak to my mum based on a completely one sided version of events is getting really hard to just accept.

WIBTA if I told him what I know?

ive got a close friend whos been one of the most important people in my life over the past couple years. shes shown up for me through stuff i havent fully shown up for myself through, and shes important to me, and i want her at this celebration. its not a question of whether i want her there. i do

the issue is my extended family. im not gonna get into specifics but certain people in it are reliably awful toward people like her. and not in a subtle way. not in a youll catch it if youre paying attention way. theyre cruel out loud. theyve been like this my whole life. i grew up watching it. ive been managing it as best i can for years and im not even the one theyd be targeting

so i sat her down a few weeks ago and i told her honestly. i said heres what the room is going to feel like. heres the kind of thing you might hear. i didnt sanitize it. i wanted her to make a real decision with real information

and she said she didnt care. she said being there for me mattered more than getting through a few hours of difficult people. she said she wanted to comei believe her. i do. like i actually believe she means what shes saying

but ive sat in that room. ive watched what my family does when its in that mode. and the description of it is just genuinely different from being inside it. its hard to brace for something youve only heard described

and so im sitting here with this question. do i ask her not to come

i keep flipping back and forth one minute it feels like protection. shes someone i love and i know what shes walking into in a way she cant fully know herself. the next minute it feels like im taking something away from her she already chose. she made the call. shes an adult. she gets to decide what she can handle

theres also a thing i havent fully admitted to myself i think. some of this is about me. i dont want to spend my own celebration watching people i love get hurt by people i cant control. i dont know if im trying to protect her or trying to protect myself from having to witness it. those are not the same thing and i should probably be honest about that

i havent talked to her again about it. i dont want to make her feel like im going back on something. but i also dont want to just let it ride if im going to spend the whole event watching the door

WIBTA if i go back and ask her not to come after shes already said she wants to be there