(Warning: drawn out context for first paragraph, kinda important, but you can skim)
I made a post in the general pagan sub a while ago, but if memory serves I didn't go into much detail about it. I will say that I had a pretty big hyperfixation on the new Dune at the time(yay autism), and I do believe that it affected my experience, but I also believe the experience itself was real anyhow, even if clouded by that hyperfixation. I wrote it down, but that was on my highschool Google account, and didn't transfer it anywhere, so it's completely gone now, so forgive me, I won't be able to recall all of the events with great accuracy. I have a good inclination that it was a kemetic God, but I've not really been drawn to them too much, so that's why it took so long to come to this sub. I'm gonna try to go into every detail I can remember, just so I leave no stone unturned, I'm tired of not knowing who this is, and I'm looking for guidance, and I am completely comfortable relaying everything. Apologies for the word filled introduction, here goes.
It started when I went swimming with my family maybe 3-4, maybe even 5 years ago, I sank to the bottom and looked up as I normally do when we go. The water when I looked up looked exceptionally beautiful for some reason this time, with the sun being filtered through the water above, I was filled with this incredible sensation that I had never experienced before, or since. The best way I can describe it is like everything and nothing at the same time, heavy and light, bright and dark, and complete control over my fear. I've always had pretty severe panic attacks, but whenever that fear came up while I had this feeling, it wasn't eliminated, but I had complete and utter control over it. I could stay calm and be filled with fear at the same time. It was a God of immense duality.
My first thought was that it was Allah(dumped that one pretty quick), I ended up calling it the Drums, I called it that because I remember watching a video a while before the my Wisdom of Odin(absolutely ZERO support for that piece of crap) where he called the calling to the Gods "the beating of the drums" or something like that. Again, I do not support him in anyway, just laying out every detail of this.
The feeling lasted for about 30 minutes, and I was able to hold my breath and swim farther than I had been able to every(this very well could have been the sheer euphoria), don't know if this is important, but thought I'd include it anyhow.
The following 2 times, the sensation, I guess presence, came on randomly, yet incredibly strong. The feeling was so intense at times that it was not just an emotional feeling, but became a physical sensation at the same time, like electricity flowing from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. One of those 2 times, I was washing my hands, and when the feeling came, every single bubble in my hands became so significant, each bit of the soap playing an equal and integral role in this incredibly mundane activity. The second time was when I was going to sleep, that's it, no details to be shared there.
The last time I had just taken a shower, and knelt down on the bathroom floor, and had I guess what you would call a vision, but this is the one I believe was affected by my hyperfixation. I was standing in a vast desert, and the ground started to vibrate, and I then saw myself in the 3rd person, and the desert had turned into a massive vibrating spiral of sand and light, and I was floating in front of it, just watching in awe. The feeling had come back during this time as well, same dualistic experience, same control over my fear.
I had got the strong impression that I should go about this on my own, and unfortunately, as soon as I told somebody about it, the feeling never returned, and has yet to.
I did get the impression that this was a God associated with the desert(again, potential hyperfixation influence), but for no particular reason, got the strong impression that this God was heavily associated with war(again, could be the hyperfixation). I do accept the possibility that it was purely psychological, but I've thought about it and truly(but provisionally) believe it was an experience granted to me by that God.
That's all I can think of typing this out now, if I said anything out of line, please let me know, and please do be kind, but honest in your replies if you have the time, and think this post is worth a response.
Thank you to any who respond ahead of time!