am i aromantic or just not manipulable anymore?
i’m very sure about being asexual, i thought i was also aromantic but i’ve had relationships, the thing with this relationships is that the 3 of them were because of grooming and i have bpd.
if i think about romantic relationships and marriage, i was never even interested about it, i would always say “if it happens, good, if it doesn’t, even better” with the three people i have “fell in love” i never imagined a life with them, to me it was always “i’ll enjoy their attention” cause that’s what i like the most from a person, but i was never attracted to them itself or even like them lmao, it was just because they were older than me and they were giving me attention and what i perceived as love, they were making me feel important, now after a traumatic relationship with the last one, i began therapy, now i feel like “why do i have to like/love somebody?” that’s what makes me think that i’m either traumatized or an aromantic person with bpd so of course i’ve never known what romantic love actually is, now just realized it, because if i deeply think about it, i’ve never felt attracted or turned on by anybody and the idea of being romantic and shit towards anyone, makes me sick lol, i hated when this people who groomed me were being affectionate, i would always be like “bro, i just want you to rip your heart out and cook it for me, there’s no need to kiss me or say that you love me, don’t be weird”.
but yeah, am i just an aromantic with bpd that fell in the traps of groomers? or am i just demiromantic or burnt out after all of these experiences?