I have liked a guy for a while. He’s my friend, and he might be gay/bi, I don’t really know (I live in the Southern U.S., so it’s not the type of thing you openly talk about). We’ve always made gay jokes, but the way we are toward each other has always been more intimate(?), but not inherently sexual. Anyways, that’s all background info. I try to make myself not like him, and sometimes it almost works, but every time I’m around him again I immediately forget everything. We’ve been to a local-ish theme park (won’t dox myself) a couple of times, the first of which was around Christmas. On one of the slow, scenic rides he put his arm around me, and kept leaning near me, to the point that a friend of ours pointed it out and joked about it. On the ride back home he told me that “it’s ok if I sleep on him,” which I did (or tried to, I couldn’t). He’s also terrified of rollercoasters and only went on some with us when I told him I’d sit next to him and that it would be ok. The last time we went I felt like I was just reliving that first trip.
All of that is to say I like him, and as much I hope so, I doubt he feels the same. We’re graduating this Friday, and we’re going down different career paths. I would say I have this Summer with him, but I don’t. He’s spending the Summer with his extended family on the opposite side of the world. He’s going into the military, and I’m going to college. I know I’ll probably get over it eventually, but I know that if or when I see him again, these feelings will all come back, and I’ll feel that I’ve wasted my life without him. It’s stupid, and I know it’s just a Highschool crush. I think I just wanted to make this post to get this in the open, because I have no one to tell this to.