Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/s/thtbjKNevq
I thought for a bit before deciding to post.
On one hand, some redditors are unforgiving and completely missed the point of the nuances involved in family dynamics, belief systems, etc. and from that I did not want to bother.
On the other hand, I did not elaborate everything, which made people immediately jump to the conclusion of: HIS FAMILY IS BAD AND STUPID. And that’s incorrect because they are very good people and have amazing values- just unorthodox approaches and lifestyles to “mainstream”.
Sure I get it, there’s a reason why “mainstream” is mainstream. There are also reasons why people veer off from it.
Let me get this out first, WE (husband and I) ARE GOING TO COCOON THE BEBE! For 6 months at least.
Upon further discussion just a couple nights ago, husband made it clear that he never disagreed to it. He was only mad that I made the decision alone to cocoon and that I seemingly expected his parents to get vaccinated. It was a big misunderstanding. He’s fine with cocooning, just not forcing others to get vaccines- read on and you will find out why.
And he is also not an anti-vaxxer. He believes in vaccines and he understands that vaccines have saved lives. In fact, husband knew more about vaccines than I did, and strongly understands and has insight about people who create vaccines being significantly smarter, more intelligent than all of us. Husband and his older brother were vaccinated as children, just not their youngest son.
The issue was DISTRUST, primarily government. Let me talk about it a bit more from a family conditioning and psychosocial perspective (I work as a mental health clinician for the government).
Husband’s family, from both mother and father’s side, suffered from so much generational trauma that they can easily become the clientele that I work with. Mother was adopted because her biological parents were substance users. Father’s side of the family were also substance users, and father always had a strained relationship with his own father.
In such family situations, the law often intervenes, and restrictive practices are enacted. Taking children away, locking them in jail, fines that leave bills unpaid for, reinforcements of treatment authorities and injection of antipsychotics.
And before I get into yes, law is important and people shouldn’t make bad choices - as a child seeing those things happen to those close to you, will fuck you up. I know it, because that’s my work. I also get this shitty transference whenever I’m with my in laws, when I know that they are now legally my family and not people that I am working with.
I don’t know how my in laws did not become substance users or haters. They are very nice people, they have their own issues, but they were extremely resilient. Christianity helped them a lot, and they never forced others (like myself) to convert. They never had an issue with me being an atheist.
Back to the original topic. All of this basically will trickle down into your own family, as it has to my husband and his brothers. They primarily distrust the articles and research done on the neurological effects of vaccines, because they believe that the people who conducted them were paid by big pharmacies and government and such.
The lack of trust in society that has permeated their childhoods is translated here. And anything that helps to fill that void is weaponised for their beliefs.
And yes, a lot of it, is subconscious reasonings that are linked to their own egos.
I can empathise with this, because of my work. And I understand that it’s a lot to ask for others to empathise with this, but I hope this offers some clarity to some redditors who were rather harsh in their speeches.
People don’t come up with random beliefs that are seemingly absurd to us for no reason.
Trauma, undereducation, being betrayed by family as children, force from society and laws and government - they are not small dots in people’s lives and have great impacts on adulthood and DECISION MAKING. Feelings can override judgement.
Also for those who said “how did you not have this discussion earlier”, once again, that is unhelpful and not relevant. As a person, I am unable to forecast everything and in my defense, my husband and I have always landed on the same page so assumptions were naturally made. This is also my first marriage and pregnancy, I’ve done research but it is unrealistic to expect anybody to know fucking everything about pregnancy, about children, about your in laws.
Next time something realistic but unprecedented happens to you, how would you feel if someone asked the same question? Reflect on that.
And yes the conclusion is, my in laws will have to wait for 6 months to see the baby if they don’t wish to get the vaccine. My husband, who has been fully vaccinated as a child, will also accept boosters if needed.
What else is funny? So will my parents who come from yet another generation that has poor health literacy, will also need boosters if they want to see the baby.
Turns out, all I needed to do was speak with my husband. Though he distrusts, my comfort means more to him than everything else. And sure, my parents, in laws, they can get shitty with us.
But thank fuck, I have a husband who is willing to overcome everything with me.
And who taught my husband that?
My in laws.