My narc husband came into my life at my lowest and most vulnerable point. My GMA who raised me was dying, I had just put my dog to sleep & was detoxing off methadone I’d been on for 12 years from a previous pain pill addiction.
He came in as a fixer. He’d scrub my house top to bottom, listen to all my problems, console me, pay bills etc. That lasted about 2 weeks but once the mask started to slip and I tried to get him to leave he would refuse to leave my house. He’d say “I did this, I paid that, I listen to all your nonsense, you’re not stable you can’t be alone.” I knew I was self destructing and he was poison in my life but at that time he was a great distraction & the good times fed my soul. I’d made the decision I was going down with the ship.
He became violent every time I’d ask him to leave. He would wake up angry for no reason and ruin my energy from the minute I woke up. I’d leave to work in tears daily while he sat on a play station smoking weed all day and posting my possessions, money, exotic pets etc as if the where his own.
When I say he’d get violent I don’t mean pushing/shoving. He would torture me for hours. His eyes would go black, his hair would stand straight up, his teeth bared like an animal. He’d bite my face, put a gun to my head, hold me in a freezing shower for hours, strangle me until I had seizures, pick me up by my ear, force me to hold my male parrot while he raped me “to make sure he knew he was the man in charge in our house”.
When he’d be in this mode he wouldn’t stop until he’d tuckered himself out. No amount of I love you, offering money, me seizing on the floor would phase him. I’d come to from seizures not even knowing where I was and he’d still be above me screaming.
His methodical torture was effective in the way he was able to gas light me into believing I’d brought it on myself. After he would finally be done he’d switch to caring for me. Wiping blood off me, icing my face, carrying me into bed, putting on soothing river sounds, crying & begging forgiveness. I would be so relieved it was over. Knowing me telling him to leave would bring it on I soon realized “okay I will not be asking him to leave”.
He had an indescribable jealousy of my male parrot only. My male parrot is disabled and cannot fly. He’s extremely needy and I admit I spoil him since he needs extra help. Something about the unconditional love I had for him & the fact he would never accept my husband drove him insane. He knew that by threatening him I would do absolutely anything to keep him from harming my parrot.
He’s isolated me from my family & friends. He was jealous of everyone and everything. Even down to my sentimental possessions, my good mood, my beauty, my ability to make money, I could go on but you get the point. While I know a strange side of him loved me the other side of him absolutely hated me. I lived with my anxiety level on 10 at all times.
My car was in the shop and he said he needed my father’s car I’d borrowed to go to work. I found out the next day he had burglarized a liquor store and took the police on a high speed chase in my father’s 2003 Honda mini van. Not sure how the police weren’t able to catch him but detectives came to my father’s house the next day. My father has a strange bond with my husband and didn’t give them any info just told them I had the car. My father and my narc husband convinced me to say I’d loaned the car to a stripper I used to work with whose real name I don’t know. Detective obviously didn’t buy it and told me to come meet face to face which ofc he did not allow me to do. The detective put a warrant out on me for obstruction on an officer (misdemeanor) which actually didnt even catch up to me until recently. I went to the police station to renew my liquor license and ended up doing 4 days in dekalb county jail in ATL & am still waiting to hear more about the case.
In January 2026 I just started praying to god to get him out of my life somehow. I had no idea how but I just trusted god. I would grey rock my husband in a polite manner. I stopped asking him to clean up after himself, I started eating healthy food and not cooking anything he’d eat, I stopped bitching about him sitting on PlayStation all day, I stopped drinking any alcohol so I wouldn’t say anything to set him off, stopped smoking any of his weed so he couldn’t complain about it later, started driving myself to and from work instead of letting him pick me up and drop me off, I’d stay in another room as him always, I stopped having sex with him, & once a day I’d take my parrot and go to a coffee shop and read or journal just to give myself some sense of normalcy.
He is intuitive and noticed the shift. He’d used not having his physical ID as an excuse to not get a job even though he’d had an ID for months before he’d lost it. He wanted to establish residency at my fathers house to get an ID which I steered him away from saying my dad would lose the mail, but more so I didn’t want the police popping up at my dads when he’d leave and do god knows what. I could tell he was making plans & he could sense I was doing the same. He agreed to leave to Chicago so he could establish residency there. “I’m gonna get mental help, get a job & save money staying with family & return as the husband you need me to be.” He told me after laying me lower than shit while I helped him pack his bags. He left a ton behind. That was always his signature move to leave shit and have a reason to try to come back. I paid $300 I didn’t even have to spare on a grey hound ticket for him just to get him out of my life.
The first month was the hardest. With him here I had no time to process the trauma. Once he was gone I actually missed him in my heart, but my head knew if he’d stayed he would’ve killed me eventually. He’d literally conditioned me to feel being happy was dangerous. Things started getting better with time. I began rebuilding my life and getting back to my art and hobbies I had no energy or time for when he was around.
I would hear from him maybe 1-2x a week. No phone calls or ft. So I knew he had a new supply. I don’t have social media and just the sight of him would send me into such a panic I would never look at his IG but my gut told me he’s with someone new. His ex gf who is equally traumatized by him from similar abuse has become obsessed with him in an unhealthy way. She monitors every move he makes online. She found his new supply’s page. A 25 year old beautiful nurse. He was living with her not even 2 weeks after leaving my house all the while gas lighting me that I was the one with a new person and he “looks like a clown walking around with my name tattooed in his face”. (Something I discouraged him from doing but it was just to make me feel more guilty for giving up on the relationship.)
I’d took a trip to Tulum Mexico late march. I’d saved for this trip for months even when he was here I would stash $ in my freezer. He is a felon and cannot get a passport so he’d tell me over and over to cancel the trip and he’d never let me make it to Mexico. By the time the trip came we’d been no contact for about 2 months bc I told him I had proof he was living with a new girl and I threw away all the things he’d left behind. I have a girlfriend in Mexico I stayed with and it’s like my light had finally returned. I was happy, I was making progress, I felt like a survivor and not a victim.
Once he saw my snap chat (which I only have 10 friends on) of me looking happy again & around other men he completely flipped. He called me 1k times in an hour not even sure how that’s possible. My phone would glitch and get hot I’d have to turn it off. I’d get so frustrated I’d sometimes answer and just scream “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO ME?!” He started telling me he’s going to come “back home” to me & asked me to buy him a bus ticket which I refused. He called my poor father at 2am crying and begging for a bus ticket which my father almost bought. I finally sent my dad pics of the abuse I’d documented only for him to still take my husbands side? Make excuses for him that he’s just mentally ill and he does love me. I am super close with my father and it really hurt to feel so invalidated by the one man I would think would protect me.
My husbands ex gf reached out to his new supply. They FaceTimed on IG & the girl was beaten to a pulp. He had told me she knows all about me. “How could she not your name is tattooed across my forehead” he’d say. Ofc she knew nothing about any of it. She said he woke up mad (the day after I refused to get him a bus ticket.) He told her “I have someone to kill in ATL then I am leaving ATL in the past.” That someone was me. He bothered her non stop for a bus ticket but she didn’t have or wouldn’t give him the money. He held her hostage in a car with a gun to her head for hours. I’ve been in this situation with him before and it’s terrifying. He will push your foot down on the gas pedal and shake the steering wheel on the high way. They’d stopped on a bridge over a river. I’m not clear on whether he made her jump or if she chose to jump to escape him (I would’ve jumped in that situation too). She survived and swam to safety somehow. The police were called and he was caught on the bridge covered in blood with a stolen gun.
He has been in cook county jail since Easter Sunday. The website does not tell me his charges. I believe he is also wanted here in GA for breaking and entering as well as terroristic threats. I’m not sure how long he’ll be held his next court date is may 20th but Chicago does not do cash bonds so even if someone had the money he couldn’t get out. I know that only divine intervention got him locked away. I rarely agree with people being put away for life but he is truly a danger to society, he prays on the weak & is a master at finding beautiful, insecure women with resources who will take him in.
If anyone has seen 60 days in Fulton county the show on A&E, he was the podboss of Fulton county TooTall aka Malik Hill. He is a high ranking gang member and I still fear for mine and my family’s safety. What gives me some comfort is that he has no affiliations in Chicago. My friend from Chicago assured me that he will be no pod boss there and he will be a target. After doing 4 days in jail having never been arrested I can’t help but revel in the fact he is miserable without a doubt.
Monday night I got a call from a strange # when leaving work. It wasn’t a jail call or I wouldn’t have answered. When I picked up someone told me “hold on hold on”. They must’ve called me with him on 3 way. The second he got on the phone his first words were “PUT MONEY ON THE PHONE NOW SO I CAN CALL YOUR STUPID ASS!” I lost it. “I SAT IN JAIL OVER YOUR NONSENSE! I WAS IN THE COUNTY ORANGE WITH A CELLMATE WHO KILLED HER CHILD! I HOPE YOURE ENJOYING THOSE SACKS OF BREAD & SPOILED MILK BC YOU DESERVE JAIL! I DONT AND IF I HAVE TO ASSIST IN ANY WAY TO GET THIS CHARGE DROPPED I WILL SQUEAL AS MUCH AS I NEED TO!” He hung up. I think he was just hoping I was stupid enough to send money. I texted the # that called me and requested they not call me with him on the phone again or ever. Whoever it was responded that after our phone call he went on suicide watch. I do believe them bc I think he would’ve tried calling again by now. He’s threatened suicide so many times even living with me. He won’t do it it’s just his last form of feeling he has some control.
My feelings are so mixed. I am furious at myself for trusting him, letting him in my home, making excuses for him, pushing away people that warned me to stay away, letting him traumatize my parrot, letting him destroy so many of my things in fits of rage, lying to the police for him and ending up in jail myself, & for the part of me that still loves “the good side”. I plan to move to Mexico when my lease is up in a few months. I’ve wanted to move there for several reasons but one definitely being that he cannot get to me in the Yucatán if he is released. I am in AA and trying to learn to forgive for my sake. Some days are easier but other days he consumes my every thought. I find it hard to get in my shower picturing him with his gun to my head & my gun in his other hand pointed at my parrot sitting on the shower shelf. I find it hard to look in my bathroom mirror picturing him holding me 10 ft off the ground with my feet dangling. He’s 7ft tall and extremely strong. He would get pleasure out of hurting me when it was physically impossible to fight back. He haunts me. I have no insurance and my bills are outrageous so I can’t really afford a therapist. I just want to feel normal again….