I’m a sadist BF isn’t. What now
I’m a switch and so is he. We match up sexually pretty well. Most kinks and roleplay we enjoy. It is currently long distance which might have something to do with this situation.
When I switch I’m either the caregiver or a sadist. Every time I bring it up with my bf it clearly makes him uncomfortable. We talked about it and he says in his head it feels like I don’t love him if I want to hurt him but that he does get aroused when I talk about wanting to hurt him.
I just kind of don’t know what to do. He likes when we do cnc roleplay and stuff like that but the idea of wanting to make him hurt or bleed upsets him and he doesn’t really seem to know why or how to articulate it.
I’ve also expressed that me wanting to hurt him only ever comes from a place of love and I’d never want to hurt him out of malice. But still when i bring it up he says he’ll do it for me but his lack of enthusiasm to try roleplaying makes me not excited to do it and we end up not doing anything.
I don’t ask for it very often anymore but it’s like he wants me to want to hurt him? Because he knows i like it. But when we get to it he gets quiet and I don’t want to continue.
How do we work through this?