I’m 35F and I am one of the Maid of Honor’s for one of my close, long-term friends. The hen do has just happened and it’s left me feeling quite unsettled.
Over the weekend I saw a side of her I hadn’t really noticed before. There was quite a lot of judgment about other people - comments to me about friends’ weight, appearance, and how they present themselves. Some of this seemed to come from her sister-in-law, but my friend didn’t really challenge it and instead seemed to take it on board.
She also made some dismissive comments about another old friend of mine who is trans and asked me to pass on well wishes to her as she’s getting married and her reaction and comments really didn’t sit right with me. That felt particularly difficult, as I value being open-minded and accepting of people as they are.
For context, she’s become more religious over the past few years (regular church, her husband’s family are also religious), and I’m not sure if that’s influencing things or just highlighting differences that were already there.
The group dynamic overall felt quite intense and cliquey, and I came away feeling quite drained. She was really cliquey with the other maid of honor until she had to leave a day early and then started to gravitate towards me. It also made me realise that I’ve probably changed - I now gravitate more towards calmer, less judgmental environments and friendships.
The tricky part is that I do care about her, and I’m still her Maid of Honor with the wedding coming up. I will show up for her and support her properly, but I’m also questioning what the friendship looks like after this.
I’m not sure whether this is something I should address with her after the wedding, or whether it’s better to just quietly adjust the level of closeness over time.
For those of you who’ve been through something similar in your 30s - realising a long-term friendship no longer feels aligned - how did you handle it? Did you have a conversation, or did you let the relationship naturally shift?
Would really appreciate hearing others’ experiences.